


Outcast

by laceandsteelgirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship/Love, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Mutual Pining, POV Remus Lupin, Slow Burn, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 00:04:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 21,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9148075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laceandsteelgirl/pseuds/laceandsteelgirl
Summary: Remus Lupin has always been an outcast, in more than one way. But ever since a boy on the Hogwarts Express started talking to him about Eragon and his crazy bitch cousin, he's felt more accepted than ever before. Six years later, Remus is still trying to get his shit together and figure out what's going on with his life, the war and Sirius.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, so I have no idea how it's going to go. I've read a lot of fanfiction, and I thought I'd have a go at it myself. This is unbetaed so I apologise if there's any mistakes that my autocorrect hasn't picked up!

Remus Lupin was a freak. An outcast. You wouldn’t know it just from looking at him, but he was. He was also prone to fits of melodrama, so potentially the situation wasn’t as dire as he made it out to be sometimes. Nonetheless, he didn’t fit in.

He’d grown up not realising he wasn’t quite normal, brought up by loving parents who fed his love of reading and magic alike. His father, Lyall Lupin, was a librarian and an avid reader, while his mother, Hope, was an author. Having this much literary knowledge and creativity had only resulted in two things: a son with a slightly…well, okay, very…eccentric name, and a house full of books. 

It was only once he’d got to primary school that Remus began to have an inkling of how different he was. None of the other boys in his kindergarten class read chapter books, and none of them could already write and count. The other boys played games and ran around pulling the girls’ hair. Sure, Remus joined in and played knights, or tag, or soccer with them, but the fact remained that he was different. At four years old, this seemed both of utmost importance and utterly insignificant at once. His parents spent most of the year in meetings with his teacher, the school principal, and anyone else of note within the school. He was sent to Italian classes with older students in order to give him something engaging to learn. Once all these meetings were concluded at the end of the year it had been decided that Remus, instead of proceeding to Year One, would be put into Year Two.

This decision was met with much indignation and anger by the teachers and the parents of the school alike. However, it didn’t stop Lyall and Hope, and Remus went into Year Two accordingly. This was when Remus realised that perhaps being different, or being intelligent, were not good things to be. The anger from the teachers and parents didn’t worry him – it was the jealousy and resent from the other children that he felt the most. Upstart brat, the other students called him, know-it-all and teacher’s pet. His classmates laughed at him, and teased him for reading books far above his age level. 

As primary school progressed, it got worse and worse. After Year Two, the other students got tired of teasing him, and began to ignore him, ostracise him even. The worst year was Year Four, when his mother became exceptionally ill. He would worry about his mother, school, the teachers, and the students who hated him. He spent most of his time in the library, reading more and more, and drawing further and further into himself. His parents had considered homeschooling, but when Hope was ill, that plan fell apart. As time wore on, he grew weary and tired, upset and angry with everyone and everything. His only hope, it seemed to him, was high school, where he could make new friends and start over. In his final year of school, that was all he could think about, all that stopped him from doing something drastic, like running away or killing himself. 

And so it came to be that at the end of Year Six, ten-year-old Remus Lupin was more jaded and disenchanted with the world than was natural for anyone, let alone a young boy. Alone with only his books for company, he began to hate himself, for not standing up to the other children, for being so different, and for not having the courage to change. 

The other thing that made Remus Lupin an outcast was the fact that, at five years old, he had been bitten by a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback, and since then had suffered from lycanthropy. His father, a noted wizard in magical Britain, had made some ill-advised negative comments regarding werewolves, and Greyback, violent and ruthless, had come for revenge. Remus could not bear knowing that he had become something his father hated and feared. Though his parents never hurt him or made him feel any worse for it, the fact remained that in Remus’ eyes, he was a monster. 

All throughout primary school, Remus transformed every month. It was painful and horrifying, as the wolf would scratch and bite him badly. If being ostracised for his intelligence was bad, having children and adults alike shrink away in revulsion from his scarred body was worse. He couldn’t stand the sight of himself, and one day smashed his mirror. In the emergency ward of the hospital, while the nurses pulled shards of glass from his hands, his mother asked him why he did it. He’d shrugged and turned away, knowing that the tears in her eyes matched the tears in his own. In truth, he knew why he’d done it. He hated himself. He was a stranger and an outsider, and he didn’t know how to handle it. So he’d done what he could to stop himself from having to see that reality staring him in the face every day. 

In the summer after he finished Year Six, his parents held a lot of whispered conversations in the kitchen when they thought he couldn’t hear them. Most of it was about what high school they would send him to, and the problems his lycanthropy would cause. Occasionally they had other wizards over to whisper to as well, but Remus always stayed away. Muggles feared his scars, but wizards feared what the scars meant. 

His dad was a wizard, so he’d always known about the wizarding world. However he preferred to interact with his mother’s world, the Muggle world. In the Muggle world, they stared, but they didn’t spit at him. Shocked whispers followed him, but at least he wasn’t cursed by shop owners and passers-by. However, he knew that someday he was going to have to come to terms with his wizarding heritage. He just didn’t realise how soon that would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is only the first chapter, and after this it's going to be a lot more from Remus' point of view. I just needed to set the scene and describe it all as best as possible. This chapter is really quite personal to me, as I went through a lot of the same things in primary school (though obviously excluding the werewolf and magic bits), and I just wanted to do it justice.  
> Hopefully it gets a bit more cheerful after this, but who knows!


	2. Albus Dumbledore, sherbet lemons and bookcases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus Dumbledore comes to visit, Remus can't fit all the books on his bookcase, and his mother is shocked by offers of sherbet lemons from famous wizards. Also, Remus is invited to attend Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it's a very quick update, because I have nothing to do other than write and be clawed by the cat sitting next to me. I hope you like it!

Damn it, Remus silently cursed, dropping yet another stack of books on his foot accidentally. In the attempt to make room for the new books he’d bought, he was trying to clear space on his bookshelf and get rid of old books. However, it seemed they didn’t want to go, and had been attacking him for the last half hour. Not literally, of course, although he was willing to bet his father had some books in his study that would actually attack the one attempting to move them. Instead he’d been a victim of his own clumsiness in this case. 

“Remus! It sounds like a herd of angry rhinoceros up there”, his mother called from downstairs. No doubt the sound of books falling on the floor had echoed through the thin ceiling. “Do you want any help?” 

“No thanks Mum. No rhinoceros, either, sorry. Just a bunch of books which won’t fit. Why’d you let me buy so many anyway”, he grumbled.

“Not my fault, darling. I couldn’t have stopped you even if I’d wanted to. I know how you are in a bookshop.” 

It was the summer after he’d finished Year Six, and in celebration of having finally left his awful classmates behind, he’d bought himself some books, and apparently had gone a little overboard. His parents, while understanding of his book-mania, had laughed when he’d walked home with what looked like half the bookstore. 

“By the way, Remus”, his mother said, standing at the foot of the stairs, “Albus Dumbledore’s coming today, so you might need to tear yourself away from those books. He’ll be here in about ten minutes.”

“Dumbledore? What’s he coming here for? I thought you said you were sending me to a Muggle school?”

“Well…we thought so too. Apparently, however, Dumbledore did not. So you need to behave, and not sit there reading the whole time. If you could go to Hogwarts-“, his mother trailed off, not knowing much about Hogwarts other than the fact that her husband had gone there.

“Yeah, yeah alright mum. But I don’t seriously think they’ll accept someone like me. I mean, I could attack someone there! What would happen then?” Remus turned back to the books and fruitlessly attempted to compact Pride and Prejudice to make space. “Damn it”, he cursed again, when it remained the same size it always had been. “Bloody hell.”

“Language!” His mother yelled. The doorbell rang, and cut off what surely would have been an impressive rant about why, for someone with such an incredible vocabulary, Remus felt the need to express his anger with certain four-letter words. Remus heard the door open, and he froze. Dumbledore. Here. In this house, potentially to invite him to Hogwarts. It was actually happening. Now all he needed to do was not mess this up.

He dumped the books on the bed. Maybe if they accepted him into Hogwarts he’d use an Enlarging Charm on his bookcase. The thought prompted him to walk downstairs to meet the famous Dumbledore. He didn’t know what to expect from the man who’d defeated Grindelwald, but it wasn’t this. A kind face with twinkling blue eyes and a long white beard appeared to erupt from outrageous purple robes. Remus choked back a laugh. He sure as anything hoped the uniform didn’t look like that. Remembering his manners, and more importantly the possibility of Enlarging his bookcase, he held out his hand and introduced himself politely.

“Remus Lupin, sir”, he said.

“Delighted to meet you, Remus. I’m Albus Dumbledore, and I’m the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.” Dumbledore smiled at him, and Remus began to feel that maybe, just maybe, this would work out. Dumbledore hadn’t spat or cursed or made the sign to ward off the evil eye yet, so there was hope. 

His mother ushered him into the small sitting room, and went to go make tea. Dumbledore turned to Remus, looking for all the world as though he was sitting in the Queen’s own parlour, about to make small talk with royalty. 

“Sherbet lemon? I do have a fondness for them; such an ingenious invention of the Muggles’.”

What? He, a werewolf, was being offered sweets by one of the greatest known wizards? Surprised, he took one and began to suck on it. 

“Now, Mr Lupin. I believe you’re wondering why I’m here, am I correct?” 

“Yes, sir, I had wondered”, Remus said, not sure of the correct way to say What the hell are you doing, I’m a werewolf, why would you want to talk to me, much less educate me?

Dumbledore smiled, and as if from nowhere, produced an envelope which he then handed to Remus. “This is a letter of invitation to Hogwarts. I’m sure you can read it later, because I have something else I wish to discuss with you. I understand that you are afflicted with lycanthropy, is that correct?”

Remus gaped, totally surprised by the letter and then by the politeness with which Dumbledore had phrased his condition. “Uh…um, yeah. I’m a werewolf, sir.”

“Remus, you look like a landed fish”, his mother remarked as she walked back in with tea. Remus continued this impression as his mother accepted a sherbet lemon from Dumbledore in exchange for his tea. “Whatever has Mr Dumbledore been saying? You only look like this when you find first edition books.”

“I was just giving your son his invitation to Hogwarts, and then I have another matter to discuss. Also”, he added with a wink in Remus’ direction, “I often find myself making the same face when confronted with first edition books.” 

Remus’ mother joined her son in gaping. Potentially this was not what she’d expected from such an important wizard.

“Now, your son has just confirmed that he suffers from lycanthropy, Mrs Lupin. I have come to explain that this will not pose a problem to his learning at Hogwarts. We have found a place where he can transform safely, and our matron, Madam Pomfrey, is more than sympathetic and willing to help in any way. I don’t think Remus is dangerous, and I know I can trust him. Therefore, you will surely have no objections to his attending Hogwarts.”

Remus, having recovered from his shock, elbowed his mother. Honestly, just because the man was a little batty. He hadn’t expected this though – to be allowed to not only attend Hogwarts, but for them to provide places for him to transform, and for them to trust him. He wanted to jump up and down, to scream, to run around, or to pass out. He went for the latter, and promptly fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Remus. Not the most dignified of reactions! 
> 
> Next chapter will be his sorting, but after that I might skip to important bits. It won't be a seven-year play-by-play, because no one has the patience to read that, and I certainly don't have the patience to write that.


	3. Not the sum of his parts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus meets James and Sirius for the first time, and is Sorted unexpectedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in one day! I really have to find something else to do. But the plot just won't let me go.

On the Hogwarts Express, Remus had spent most of the time curled up in a compartment with a book. He felt totally overwhelmed, and so was reading to try and take his mind off it. He’d already read all his schoolbooks, not because he enjoyed them, but because he’d already finished the ones he’d been trying to organise the day of Dumbledore’s visit. 

“Oi, are you reading Eragon? Fabulous story, that. But the dragons were totally incorrect. These Muggle authors are funny in their ideas about dragons”, a voice said from the doorway. 

Remus looked up from his book. It was, indeed, Eragon, although how anyone was to be impressed by the boy guessing that he didn’t know. It was only written in massive gold letters on the cover. 

“Um…yeah. I’m reading Eragon. I don’t know much about dragons. I mean, my father’s a wizard but I’ve never seen one in real life.”

“Cool. I read the first one, but my cousin ripped up the rest before I could read them too. Said they were ‘filthy Muggle books’. Absolute bitch, that one”, the boy said, coming to sit opposite him. “By the way, my name’s Sirius Black. What’s yours?”

Black? Even Remus had heard of the family, and although instinct told him to stay away, far away, he smiled, and said “My name’s Remus. Remus Lupin.”

“Oh god, and I thought my name was bad! Everyone in my family’s named after stars, but at least I’m not ‘Wolf Wolf’”, Sirius said, but his smile belied his words. Remus winced inwardly at the reference to wolves. Did his parents have to name him something so…wolfy? 

“Sirius mate! Where are you? If you’re chatting up that blonde fourth-year again, I swear I’ll kill you”, a voice yelled from the corridor. The boy who presumably belonged to the voice could be heard walking fast along the train. 

“In here, you idiot.” Sirius stuck his head out, then quickly pulled it back in as the boy from the corridor aimed a swat at him. Bouncing in, the boy stood confidently in front of them, giving Remus a big smile. 

“James Potter. I hope Sirius here hasn’t been scaring you. He’s a bit mad really, but we love him all the same.” 

Remus took the boy’s hand and shook it. He liked James already. “I’m Remus Lupin. And no, he hasn’t scared me yet. Only criticised my name,” he joked.

“Hey! I told you I liked your book. Doesn’t that count for anything?” Sirius protested but James was no longer listening, instead chatting away to Remus about Hogwarts. Apparently they were both purebloods, Remus discovered, but they didn’t seem to mind that he was only halfblood. They must be a decent sort, he thought, but then he remembered who the Blacks were. Maybe Sirius would be the exception. 

By the time they got on the boats across the lake, the three were already good friends. James and Sirius tried to push each other into the lake, faking a fight with Remus’ books, which he half-heartedly attempted to wrest from their hands. He gave up, and resigned himself to soggy books. At least he’d read them already. When they were led into the Great Hall by Professor McGonagall, who had already threatened Sirius and James with detention, despite the fact they haven’t even been sorted, Remus couldn’t stop staring at it all. It was like a dream, with the lights of the floating candles and the banter of the boys beside him, who appeared to have adopted him as their friend. For the first time in his life, he was utterly overjoyed, even more so than when Dumbledore invited him here. And this time, he was going to make sure he didn’t faint. 

When his name was called, he approached the stool with the Sorting Hat carefully. Sirius had already been sorted, into Gryffindor, which caused a lot of muttering from the Slytherin table. Remus didn't know much about the Blacks, but he was pretty sure they wouldn’t like having a Gryffindor son. He assumed that he’d end up in Ravenclaw – his father had said that was the one for intelligent people, and Remus was nothing if not intelligent. 

“Don’t be so nervous, boy”, a small voice said in his ear. The Sorting Hat, he realised. “You’re intelligent, yes, but that’s not the sum of your parts. You’ve got bravery too: you’d need it, what with being a werewolf.”

It could tell he was a werewolf? How did it know that? Remus began to panic. Could everyone hear this little voice and what it was saying? 

“You’ll never meet your potential in Ravenclaw, so better be GRYFFINDOR!”

Remus pulled the hat off and jumped down from the stool. He ran over to the Gryffindor table, where Sirius was sitting. They waited for James to be sorted (Gryffindor, as James had predicted), and then the three of them dug into the feast eagerly. 

For the first time in his life, Remus began to think that maybe he wasn’t so alone after all. The Sorting Hat had said he wasn’t just the sum of his parts, that he wasn’t just intelligent and a werewolf. Maybe he could be brave too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be second year, when James, Sirius and Peter discover he's a werewolf. It's staying pretty tame for now, the Wolfstar comes later. But it will come, I promise.


	4. You're not a monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily becomes friends with Remus, but begins to suspect something's up. She and Sirius figure it out, and Remus finds out they know he's a werewolf.

It was during their second year that they found out. Even though they’d only been there for a year, the three boys and their roommate Peter Pettigrew had gained a notoriety only achievable from constant pranking. They’d been dubbed the Marauders, an apt name given their propensity for mischief, and all the students were in awe of their comic genius…or at least according to James and Sirius. In truth, the younger students adored them, the older students laughed, the teachers sent them to detention while hiding smiles, and Lily Evans screamed bloody murder. 

Lily Evans was a friendly redheaded Gryffindor with an intellect to rival Remus’, and had been firmly against the antics of the Marauders from day one. This was only made worse by James’ declarations of love, which hadn’t stopped since he’d laid eyes on her. The majority of the pranks they’d pulled so far were either aimed at Slytherins or done in order to, in the words of James, ‘make Lily fall madly in love with me’. 

Lily, of course, disapproved of the pranks entirely, since she did not appreciate her Slytherin friend Severus Snape being bullied by them, and she certainly didn’t appreciate the swarm of singing valentines that had followed her on Valentine’s Day in their first year. 

But this disapproval for all things Black and Potter had not extended to Remus, who found himself in the company of an intelligent, kind and loyal girl who seemed to want to be friends with him. So he accepted, and thus began their long friendship. Lily, being the smart girl she was, had also already read all her textbooks, and they had many things which they took pleasure in discussing. James, of course, was violently jealous, but soon forgave Remus when he realised that Remus was smart enough to help them hatch genius plans and pranks. 

With four wonderful friends, Remus’ absences every month did not go unnoticed. In primary school, although he had no friends, no one had noticed that he was missing regularly either. Remus was running out of excuses, which had slowly been getting feebler anyway. But it was Lily who first noticed something amiss. She went to Sirius with her suspicions, as he was less annoying than James and Peter hadn’t even crossed her mind.

“I think there’s something wrong with Remus,” she said bluntly. Sirius, after getting annoyed, had realised she had a point, and the two of them had sat down to think. When she’d reread her Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook and come to the section on werewolves, she knew she had it. She and Sirius then decided to tell James and Peter what they suspected.

Remus, however was entirely unaware of this. When the next full moon came around, he went to Sirius and gave the latest excuse.

“My mother’s ill, and I have to go back home.” Although Hope Lupin had been ill during his primary school years, she’d since thankfully recovered, but Sirius didn’t need to know this.

Sirius looked at him long and hard, and then said “I know that’s not what you’re doing. I think I know what you are too. I won’t tell anyone though.”

Remus looked up in shock and trepidation, waiting for the judgement that was sure to fall on him. After all, Sirius was pureblood, and not from a very tolerant family at that. Although, Sirius did hate everything his family stood for and believed in, so maybe…

“You…do you hate me? For what I am?”

“Hate you? Of course not! I could never hate you, Remus.”

“B-but I’m a monster-"

“You’re not”, Sirius said firmly. “You’re not a monster. You’re Remus. You like to read books about dragons and fairies and you like to eat chocolate and blueberry waffles and drink tea, and you aren’t a monster, you’re my friend. James and Peter think so…um…damn, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“James and Peter know too?!” Remus was horrified now. Bad enough that one person knew, but three? Was he really that transparent?

“Um, yeah. And Lily too. She’s the one who figured it out. You know how she reads those textbooks like they’re her source of life.”

Well. This wasn’t good. Remus looked down. Four people knew? Would they…no, they wouldn’t tell anyone. 

“Remus.” Sirius’ voice made him look up again. “It’s ok. None of us care. You’re still Remus. We won’t leave you. I promise.” Sirius, in a rare show of affection, hugged Remus, who was still slightly scared and shaky from the whole conversation. 

However, once the shock faded, he began to feel light-headed with euphoria. His friends knew. And they didn’t care! They didn’t think he was a monster, and they didn’t hate him! Perhaps he really wasn’t so alone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, four chapters. Probably there'll be more, because I'm in a writing mood. Next will probably be in sixth year, and that's where the fic will stay, because I just needed to set the scene and have some important, unmissable moments.


	5. Coffee, cuts, and confusing conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has had too much coffee, Remus has had a rough full moon, and he accidentally overhears a very odd statement.

Remus sat beside the window on the Hogwarts Express, watching the mayhem on the platform. Little children were giggling and darting between a forest of adult legs, students were enthusiastically greeting their friends, parents were tearfully farewelling their children, the train whistle was blowing, and Sirius Black was boarding the train. They were just about to begin their sixth year, and it seemed summer break had done Sirius some good. He'd written Remus over the holidays, telling him how he'd run away from home, and was now living with James. A summer free of his family had resulted in his growing two inches, getting a haircut, and looking far more relaxed and carefree than he'd been in a long time. The girls in their year had already noticed this too, and there was a group of them surrounding Sirius, giggling and sighing. 

Remus sighed too, and looked away. The summer, he knew, had not had the same effect on him. Rather, he looked absolutely terrible, because the full moon had been two days earlier. His face and hands still bore deep scratches which would probably scar badly unless Madam Pomfrey could do anything to heal them. It had been one of the worst transformations he'd had in a while, as his three friends hadn't been there. Near the end of last year, the three had finally managed to transform into (somewhat illegal) Animagi, and had since spent the time making Remus' transformations less painful than they had been. They still were terrible, but it was better now. Sirius had decided that the momentous occasion meant they needed new nicknames as well, a decision which still amused Remus.

A noise at the door made him look up. Sirius stood there grinning, his handsome face tanned from the sun. It was so unfair, Remus thought. He comes back to school looking like some demigod, and I'm covered in scratches and scars? But his self-pity was cut off abruptly as Sirius bounced onto the seat beside him. 

"Moony! How are you? I'm great! I've had so much coffee!" Sirius yelled all this excitedly. Remus banged his head against the window and whimpered, partly because the window had hurt and partly because Sirius and coffee were not a good mix. 

"James promised me he wouldn't give you any more coffee. That traitor. And now we've got to deal with you like this", Remus grumbled. Oh well, even if he looked different, he was still the same crazy Sirius at least. 

"Prongs is too busy chatting up Evans, it's not his fault I...sorta snuck off and bought coffee"', Sirius said. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out some chocolate. "Don't be grumpy with me Moony. Look, I even brought your favourite kind of chocolate."

"Chocolate or not, you're bouncing off the walls and will be for at least two hours more." But he took the chocolate anyway. No sense in letting good chocolate go to waste. James and Peter walked in at that moment, James with a contented smile on his face, and Peter looking rather sick of hearing about Evans. 

"Guess what, lads! Evans actually smiled at me! I think I'm in love", James swooned. He sat down next to Sirius and continued looking starstruck until Remus remembered his complaint. 

"Prongs, you traitor, you were so wrapped up in Lily that you didn't keep an eye on Padfoot. He apparently bought coffee and he's going to be unbearable", he said, not really annoyed. He knew that if Lily was around, then the world could end and James wouldn't notice. 

"Oh for fuck's sake, I wanted some peace and quiet this year", Peter complained.

"Shouldn't have become friends with us then. No peace and quiet here. But anyway Moony, I don't think our dear friend was listening. He's probably still thinking about Evans", Sirius added with a slightly manic smile. Coffee really did make him far too energetic. James continued staring into space, and eventually they gave up on trying to talk to him. Remus began to read, and Sirius started to annoy Peter, who was attempting to ignore said irritation, without much success. Eventually Remus gave up on reading. He wasn't getting very far anyway, not with a coffee-affected Sirius. Together, they started trying to get James to respond. Remus figured that if he couldn't be left alone, then neither should James. When, at last, he'd stopped muttering under his breath about beautiful red hair and green eyes, they began to plan their annual Welcome prank. This was a tradition begun in their second year, when Sirius had decided that the Sorting Ceremony was boring, and charmed the Sorting Hat a vile shade of pink. What was worse was after that, the Sorting Hat began to speak in Russian, and no one could figure out what it was saying. Finally, they managed to Sort everyone, but only once Sirius had earned himself a month of detention with McGonagall and restored the Hat to its former state. Since then, Sirius and James decided that a prank was needed to welcome the students back to school. Peter usually helped, with an air of adoration for James and Sirius, and Remus usually sat in the corner reading, and generally trying not to end up in detention himself. 

Remus excused himself to go to the bathroom, and when he was walking back, he stopped outside their compartment, just out of view, having heard his name.

"-Remus. And he's got all those cuts all over his face and hands. I knew we shouldn't have left him to transform on his own." This from James, who no doubt felt guilty for not being there. Remus had told him time and time again that he had no reason to feel bad about what the wolf did to him, but he apparently hadn't listened. 

"I know, but he's still Remus. He's still our friend. And he did say that he'd manage on his own, you know he did", Peter put in. Remus listened fondly, because although Peter was not as brilliant, hilarious or attractive as James or Sirius, he was loyal to a fault and had a kind heart. 

"He's bloody hot is what he is." Remus' head snapped up in shock. Apparently Sirius had had a brain transplant along with several litres of coffee. This was weird, he thought, and promptly walked back inside the compartment, not really wanting to hear James or Peter's reactions to this...this...whatever this was. James looked as though someone had hit him over the head with a dead chicken, or told him that Lily was an alien. Peter just looked mildly surprised. Sirius was still bouncing off the walls, the coffee not having worn off yet. Yeah, that'd be it, Remus thought. Coffee and sugar induced madness. Still, it was an odd thing to say, and not very Sirius-like. As the four of them began a game of Exploding Snap that would no doubt end in singed eyebrows, he dismissed it as nothing more than the usual strange behaviour that one could expect from Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Sirius knows what he thinks, at this point anyway. It'll take Remus a bit of time to figure himself out though. What do you think the Welcome prank should be?


	6. Detention and tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Welcome prank is played, the Marauders land themselves in detention, and Snape wears Gryffindor-supporting robes (along with the rest of Slytherin).

Thankfully, the coffee-induced frenzy had worn off by the time the Sorting had begun, however not before Sirius had received detention from Professor McGonagall for disrupting Professor Dumbledore's speech by jiggling his leg so hard the cutlery on the entire Gryffindor table rattled. James had already professed his love for and attempted to ask out one Lily Evans, who subsequently slapped him for his trouble - James hadn't yet figured out that hexing her wasn't going to endear him to her - and Remus and Peter had watched on in a mix of horror and awe at the blatant stupidity of their friends. 

Now the entire school was nervously awaiting the arrival of the prank. It had become a sort of tradition, albeit one that caused rather a lot of panic, and this year was no exception. In the silence that followed the Sorting, most of the school appeared to be holding their breath and watching the Marauders for a sign of what was to come. Under their watchful gazes, James winked at Lily (who glared back and turned away), Sirius smirked lazily, Remus read his book, and Peter could hardly hold back his glee. All in all, the usual hallmarks of a prank about to happen. When the feast began and nothing had happened yet, it appeared to Remus like his classmates weren't really enjoying the food, too worried about the mischievous grins the boys were giving. 

He leaned across the table to James. "How long are we going to let this go on? I think Marlene is about to pass out from the suspense already."

"Ah, it's all good fun. Besides, have you seen McGonagall's face? She looks like she wants to kill us, and nothing's even happened yet!"

"Of course nothing's happened, Prongs. Nothing's going to happen. That's the whole idea", Sirius pointed out, "or weren't you listening?"

"I bet he was still thinking about Evans", Peter squeaked. "That's all he ever does these days."

"That's all he's ever done since we walked into this school", Sirius scoffed, turning away to flirt with yet another blonde, vapid girl. Remus rolled his eyes. Flirting was like breathing to Sirius, and it was utterly ridiculous the number of girls he went through in a week. He turned back to his book, a hard feeling in his stomach at the sight of Sirius charming the girl. It was the same every year: Sirius would flirt with everything in sight, James would pine over Lily, Peter would practically worship James, and Remus would end up in the library in desperation. 

As the feast wore on without the arrival of some spectacular display of mischief, the tension in the room heightened until it was almost visible. Finally, part of the way through dessert, Professor McGonagall slammed down her spoon loudly, causing many of the teachers to flinch, and rose to her feet. 

"Black, Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew. Detention tomorrow night!"

"We haven't done anything", James and Remus protested almost simultaneously. 

"And I've already got detention", Sirius added helpfully.

"Black, if you think I won't have you in detention for the rest of your school years, you are sorely mistaken."

"Aw Minnie", Sirius said, oblivious to McGonagall's fuming at this address, "I always knew you loved me too. No woman could resist being with me every evening, even if you do insist on calling it detention. I'll be there for our date tomorrow", he continued, winking at her. 

"Ten points from Gryffindor, and don't think I won't make it more. Just play whatever trick you've got planned and be done with it!"

"I think someone's a bit tense", James said to Remus in an undertone. Remus rolled his eyes again. Trust James to point out the glaringly obvious. 

"We would never play tricks", Sirius said loudly, acting wounded. "I can't believe you'd think so little of us, dear Minnie. I am hurt! Simply torn apart by these insinuations." Remus pulled Sirius' sleeve, attempting to get him to sit down. They'd already got detention and lost points, he didn't want anything more to happen, especially since he was meant to be a prefect and therefore a good role model. 

"Sit down, Pads", he hissed, yanking harder. When Sirius gave in and sat he continued. "We've all got detention, and I'm meant to be a prefect."

"Moony, you spoilsport. I was only wooing my ONE TRUE LOVE". These last words were said very loudly in McGonagall's direction, who sighed and shook her head. "I think she's just disappointed we haven't played a trick."

"Other than bluffing and making it seem as though we had? Maybe we ought to satisfy them then." James smirked and pulled out his wand. With a flick in the direction of the Slytherin table, the robes of all the Slytherins transformed. 

"Oh god, Prongs, you didn't. This will be hell", Remus complained, covering his ears. The Slytherins' robes were now blindingly red, Gryffindor red, and insisted on chanting at top speed "Gryffindor, Gryffindor, Gryffindor".

Sirius drew his own wand and flicked it, and suddenly a banner appeared above the Slytherin table, words in Gryffindor colours.

"Robes courtesy of Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs", Remus read out. "Pads, you know that's going to get us even more detention, right?" 

"Yep! Worth it though", James said happily. "The charm lasts a week. Can you imagine the look on Snivellus' face at having to wear Gryffindor-supporting robes for a week?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know if the prank was any good, but I had fun with it anyway. It's surprisingly hard to come up with Marauder-worthy pranks. Comment and tell me what you thought!


	7. Erupting elixirs and overheard conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus' potion blows up, Sirius is acting very oddly, and another overheard conversation between Sirius and James confuses Remus even more.

The next day, as predicted, the charm on the Slytherins' robes had not worn off. The teachers had sighed, and cast Silencing Charms over the entire Slytherin house, which had the unfortunate side effect of the students not being able to make sound either. Sirius was happily gleeful at this outcome. 

"Moony! We don't have to hear them for a week! Isn't this fabulous?" 

"Go away, Pads. I'm trying to brew the potion."

"But Moony-"

"Please", Remus whimpered. He just wanted some peace and quiet, because he had a strong feeling his potion wasn't entirely correct. 

"Gryffindor, Gryffindor, GRYFFINDOR!" the robes cut in. Slughorn's Silencing Charms were rather substandard, and wore off every ten minutes. Remus could see Lily becoming more and more irritated out of the corner of his eye. She raised her hand, and waited for Slughorn to notice.

"Sir, would you like me to get Professor Flitwick? Seeing he's the Charms professor, perhaps his Silencing Charm might..." She trailed off, not knowing how to phrase it delicately. When Slughorn nodded, she let out a sigh of relief and went to go fetch Flitwick. 

Remus turned back to his cauldron. His Elixir to Induce Euphoria wasn't working. It should have been a bright orange by now, but instead the colour was practically green. It was Sirius' fault, he figured. Sirius' fault for distracting him and making him lose focus. He ignored Sirius' motions from the next bench and read through the instructions, trying to work out where he'd gone wrong. Next minute his cauldron had been pushed out of the way and a head of black hair inserted itself into his line of sight. 

"Moooooooony! You're boring, why are you actually working?" 

"Perhaps because, unlike you, I actually want to pass this class. Oh, fuck!" Remus had looked away for one second, and when he turned back, his potion had begun to bubble dangerously. "Fucking hell", he swore. "I have no idea what's wrong with this stupid fucking potion, but you're not helping, Padfoot." Risking a glance up, he saw Sirius' expression change, quickly flashing from surprise to hurt to coldness. Next minute, the cauldron exploded, drenching them in green goop. The potion certainly wasn't correct, Remus thought wryly, because neither of them looked particularly euphoric at that moment. He noted that Sirius still looked unfairly attractive, even while angry, hurt, and covered in green slime. He sighed yet again. His day just wasn't working out. 

Once the remains of Remus' potion had been removed from the ceiling, the walls and the boys, he realised with a sinking feeling that they were late for Transfiguration, and that he was probably going to end up with more detention. On top of this, Sirius had recovered from his earlier hurt and was now smiling at Remus, probably because he was missing class. He smiled back wanly, then turned and walked out of the classroom with Sirius following. Sirius slung his arm lazily around Remus' shoulders as they walked, and Remus felt the tension fade out of him. 

When they walked into class, Sirius dropped his arm on seeing McGonagall's disapproving glare. He slunk in to sit beside James, leaving Remus to sit in front of them with Lily. She smiled at him and then turned back to her notes. Remus pulled his own out of his bag and began to write, however his attention was broken on hearing the whispered argument behind him. 

"-are you so late, Pads?"

"I was helping Moony clean up, if you must know."

"You know McGonagall isn't going to be very happy, and I can't have you missing Quidditch practice. Anyway, I told you, you need to stop acting like that."

"Acting like what, James?" This came louder than the other whispers. "He's my friend. I'm allowed to help him, I'm allowed to talk to him."

"Shhh, keep your voice down. I know he's your friend, but you need to stop acting like there's something more. You know he doesn't realise-" James was cut off by the stern face of Professor McGonagall in front of him.

"Mr Potter. Have you been listening to a single word I've said?" At James' nod, she raised an eyebrow. "Very well, since you have apparently been paying complete attention, why don't you tell me what I was talking about?"

Relieved to know the answer, James replied. "Human transfiguration and Animagi, Professor." Sirius snickered, earning him a glare from McGonagall. When she'd walked away, Remus listened in hope of hearing more of their conversation, but all that was said was a muttered "Animagi are a subject I'm very informed on, eh Pads?" Remus was left to try and catch up on the notes he'd missed while wondering about the meaning of what Sirius had been saying. Surely, he hadn't been implying what Remus thought he'd been implying? No, that'd be mental. There'd be some easy explanation for all this, and Remus really shouldn't feel this despondent over the existence of such an explanation. After all, Sirius was straight, and this was his best mate they were talking about. 

He dipped his quill in the ink and began to write about the process of becoming an Animagus, something the four of them were very well acquainted with. He felt someone's eyes on him, and looked around to find Sirius watching him, an unreadable expression on his handsome face. He shook his head and turned back around. Straight, he reminded himself. He's straight. Stop thinking he's handsome. 

Well, he is, his brain helpfully supplied. He banged his head on the desk and closed his eyes. Stupid Sirius. Stupid James for talking too loud. Stupid gay werewolf brain. Why, oh why did he have to find Sirius Black attractive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor confused Remus. I know this is the first mention that he's gay, but he is and I just couldn't figure out how to work that detail in earlier. Maybe soon he'll stop overhearing conversations, but I feel like he and Sirius are just so oblivious and stupid around each other that they won't talk about it or anything, and it'll all just explode one day like Remus' potion.


	8. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus can't manage to finish his Arithmancy homework, Lily tries to help, and Sirius is just...Sirius.

That evening, Sirius and James had Quidditch practice, and Peter was off trying to work up the courage to ask Mary MacDonald out to Hogsmeade, so Remus had some peace and quiet to do his homework. Or at least, that's what he told them he'd do. Instead, he sat in the common room with Arithmancy books spread out in front of him, trying to write an essay comparing runes, but not really succeeding, because his thoughts kept wandering to a certain black-haired, grey-eyed someone. 

He'd realised sometime during Fourth Year that girls didn't really interest him, and that in fact perhaps neither did boys who weren't named Sirius. However, he'd pretty much given up on Sirius, although he had always harboured a secret hope that someday something might happen between the two of them, and had dated a couple of Ravenclaw boys in secret last year. While his friends knew he was gay, he didn't really draw attention to it, and neither did they. It was just as much a fact of life as James' pining over Lily, or Sirius' fucking everything that moved, or Peter's love of food. But now he was thoroughly confused. On the train, and in Transfiguration, it had almost sounded as if...

No. Remus shook himself and directed his thoughts to something far safer. Sirius was straight. Sirius fucked anything with a heartbeat. And Remus had Arithmancy homework to do. He relinquished his death grip on his quill, unrolled his parchment and began to write. For a while, it seemed as though his avoidance techniques were working, and he wrote at least two more paragraphs. He forgot what he was worrying about and focussed on writing, barely even looking up when Lily sat down beside him. 

"Hey Lils. How're you today?"

"Good thanks, Remus. Mind if I sit here? I've got to finish that Arithmancy essay too."

"Oh, of course. Hey, so what did you write about? I've mentioned the difference in pronunciation, but I can't think of anything else to say." Lily was very good at Arithmancy, and Remus always valued her opinion on whatever they were currently studying. They debated the effect of writing style on the runes for a while, and continued to work in amicable silence until Lily brought up a question Remus had been dreading from her. 

"What was wrong in Transfiguration today?" Damn, bugger and bloody fucking hell, Remus thought. Lily knows me too well. If I tell her, she'll figure out why I felt that way, and then everything will go to shit.

"Um..uh...nothing." Lily fixed him with a glare. 

"Remus John Lupin, if you're lying to me, then so help me God I will-"

"Alright, alright, fine. I overheard James and Sirius talking about something. That's all." He hoped that Lily's desire to learn and do well had prevented her from listening as well, but no such luck, apparently. 

"Yes, I heard them too. What part of that conversation got you so upset, then? Was it, possibly, the bit where James said that Sirius ought to stop acting like there's something between you too?" Damn it, Lily really did know him far too well.

"...Maybe..."

"Oh, Remus." She patted his arm and looked at him sympathetically. She had been the first person he'd told when he'd figured out he was gay, and for some stupid reason, he'd also told her the person who'd caught his interest. While she didn't exactly tease him, there were a lot of knowing glances and meaningful looks. Far too many for it to have been subtle, Remus thought. 

"You've got to stop worrying about all this", Lily cut into his thoughts. "Either he likes boys or he doesn't. There isn't much you can do about it. Perhaps he's confused, you know what it was like when you were working things out. And he ran away from home, too. That's a lot to be thinking about, and maybe you should just let him work it out. Be his friend. Be there for him. Maybe something will come of it, but maybe it won't."

"It's not that easy, Lils. I can't stop thinking about him, and it's only gotten worse since I overheard them yesterd-" He stopped abruptly, not really wanting to share that information with her. At a glare from her, though, he found himself mumbling "Yesterday on the train I overheard James and Sirius talking, and I heard Sirius say that hethoughtIwashotandIcan'tstopthinkingaboutit." He stopped and took a breath. Lily leaned over and pulled him into a hug. 

"I don't know what he meant, but don't let it get your hopes up. Let him work out his end, and you work out yours. I know it's hard."

"Yeah, okay." He pulled away. "Prongs'll be jealous if he walks in and sees us like this", he said with a smile. Lily pulled a face.

"Potter needs to deflate his head and stop letting his ego get in the way of everything. Oh, and speak of the devil." Indeed, James and Sirius had just come back from Quidditch, splattered with mud, windblown and grinning. 

"I'm having first shower!" Sirius yelled, and then raced off, shoving James behind him. The latter caught hold of his trousers and tripped him, and the two fell to the ground wrestling. 

"Perhaps he also needs to be a little more mature", Lily remarked to Remus in an undertone, watching the two fight with a half-smile on her face. James shook Sirius off and ran for the shower, leaving Sirius to smile crookedly at Remus and set his (bloody stupid) heart fluttering. Then he turned away and loped up the stairs, leaving Remus feeling more confused than ever. 

"Go on", Lily said, jerking her head in the direction Sirius had just gone. "I know you want to go after him." So he did. Remus picked up his Arithmancy books and bag and walked up the stairs into their dormitory, dumping the books on the floor and flopping tiredly onto his bed. He punched his pillow a couple of times to give it more shape. 

"What're you abusing that poor pillow for, Moony my good man? What did it ever do to you?" 

"Evening Padfoot. Good practice?"

"The best. James even shut up about Evans for half an hour!"

"How'd you manage that, Silencing Charm?"

"Well...I may have Silenced him..."

"Oh well, at least it worked, unlike on those bloody robes in Potions. Can't believe James thought that was a good idea, and now we still have five days to enjoy the absolute fucking delight of their chanting", Remus grumbled.

"What's got your wand in a knot?"

"Nothing, Pads. Nothing at all." Apparently, this excuse was as pathetic as Remus had thought, and he found himself with a lapful of heavy Sirius, peering down at him worriedly. 

"Full moon was three days ago, so it's not that. I gave you chocolate yesterday, so you can't have run out yet. What's the matter then?" Remus, however, was having trouble answering, given Sirius' proximity and his particular placement. Feeling decidedly light-headed, he realised he hadn't answered. 

"Just my Arithmancy essay, that's all."

"Ugh, Arithmancy. Fuck knows why you even take that class at all."

"It's interesting", Remus protested. "It's just, well, difficult at the same time."

"Difficult? You're tied first with Evans!"

"Yeah, well..." Remus didn't really have any arguments with that, so he settled for shoving Sirius. Unfortunately, Sirius shoved back, and he found himself sprawled on his back with Sirius far too close. Fuck, his brain said. Remus thought that was an apt reaction. Fucking hell, he couldn't breathe and there was probably mud going everywhere from Sirius' Quidditch robes and Sirius was just watching him and-

"Oi, Pads. Shower's all yours." Thank heavens for Prongs. Sirius got up slowly, still watching Remus, and walked into the bathroom. Remus breathed out. It felt like a great bloody hippogriff had been sitting on his chest, and he felt just as confused as ever, and a good deal more aroused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Remus is still just as confused as ever, and Sirius is still just as confusing as ever. I know I said it was going to be slow burn, and I feel this is not very slow, but I don't know. We'll see. I mean, the storyline chooses the author just as much as the wand chooses the wizard. Comment and tell me what you thought!


	9. Of Marmalade and Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is flirting with another girl and Remus reads Game of Thrones. Quidditch tryouts and reflections on his friends' finer points follow.

The next day, Remus woke up contented. He'd slept better than he had done in a long time. He opened his eyes and blinked sleepily, and decided that today was going to be an alright day. He continued feeling like this until he got to breakfast, and was greeted with the sight of James Potter talking at high speed about Quidditch to anyone who'd listen, Peter Pettigrew half-asleep in his bowl of cereal, and...Sirius Black flirting with Marlene McKinnon. Damn it, thought Remus, and I was in such a good mood too. He knew that Sirius didn't think of him in that way, he knew Sirius had probably been joking with what he'd said before, and he knew that Sirius was straighter than a ruler, but still, it hurt. Oh well, he thought, looks like Lily was right to remind me not to get my hopes up, and with that he sat down next to James.

"-and in 1954, Puddlemere United were ranked at- Moony! Quidditch tryouts today!" James looked like an overexcited puppy, Remus thought. 

"Yeah, I know Prongs. You've only told me about a million times yesterday."

"Yeah, but it's Quidditch tryouts, and I'm Quidditch captain and I really think this year's team is going to be the best yet."

"You say that every year, and you weren't even Quidditch captain then", Remus mumbled.

"What'd you say? Oh, look it's Lily. Hey Evans!" With that, James leapt up from the bench and abandoned his toast in favour of Lily's company. From what Remus could see, their conversation didn't appear to be going well. In fact, Remus wouldn't really go so far as to even call it a conversation, not when Lily would surely-

"Ouch, mate, that's got to hurt", Peter said when James came back, looking mournful. Lily had apparently hit him with a Stinging Jinx, and it was in a rather painful place. Even Sirius tore himself away from Marlene long enough to comment.

"Prongs, mate, I have no idea how you're going to sit on anything for a while, let alone your broom. Inconsiderate of her to do that today, what with it being tryouts and all." Then Sirius turned back to Marlene, who appeared to be attempting to eat his face, or so it looked it Remus. Faintly disgusted and slightly jealous, he turned away and grabbed a piece of toast. Without removing himself from Marlene's clutches, Sirius grabbed the marmalade from next to his plate and passed it across the table to Remus. 

"Cheers mate", he said, but Sirius' attention had gone back to Marlene and her octopus-like arms. Remus spread the marmalade on his toast, and wondered when Sirius had started taking note of his breakfast habits. Then, taking a bite, he realised that he'd also taken note of Sirius' breakfast habits, so it was a little hypocritical to wonder that. Sirius liked chocolate cereal, with the bowl almost overflowing with milk, otherwise he wouldn't eat it. He liked orange juice rather than pumpkin juice and hated apple juice. And, under no circumstances should he ever be allowed to drink coffee - not at breakfast, not ever. Remus remembered painfully the many escapades Sirius had got up to while under the influence of coffee. 

Remus reminded himself that it was a little weird to know what someone ate for breakfast, even if you had been friends for six years. He opened his latest novel, Game of Thrones, and put all thoughts of Sirius out of his head. Game of Thrones served this purpose perfectly, because one became far too wrapped up in the latest deaths and injustices to worry about other things. He was so absorbed in the death of Eddard Stark and the effect this had on Sansa and Arya to notice that across the table, Marlene was nowhere to be seen, and Sirius was watching him thoughtfully. 

He looked up from his book as James slapped Sirius on the back, and they got up to go to the Quidditch pitch. Remus closed his book, and he and Peter followed. James would be in a right sulk afterwards if he and Peter didn't come, and he didn't fancy having to deal with that. They sat in the stands, and Remus noted that Lily was also there, watching James. Smiling to himself, he realised that quite possibly James would be unbearable anyway, given Lily's presence. 

Watching Sirius fly, Remus felt wistful. He swooped and turned nimbly, reminding him of an eagle with his grace. The rest of the people on the pitch, James excluded, did not have the same sort of grace. Many girls were there, not all of them Gryffindor, giggling and sighing at Sirius, who showed off outrageously for them. A group of Ravenclaw girls, when asked to stop giggling and fly, simply fluttered and asked James whether or not Sirius was going to land. Remus was beginning to lose his patience with the girls very quickly, and so, it appeared, was James. However, when the tryouts began in earnest, Remus was hooked. Perhaps James was right, and this year they would have the best team yet. Looking at Sirius' grace and strength, he could believe it. 

Suddenly, Sirius dropped. Remus gasped, but he needn't have worried, because a second later, he pulled out of a spectacular dive right in front of him, hitting the Bludger far. 

"Watch yourself, Moony. Nearly got decapitated by a Bludger, and you spend far too much time in the Hospital Wing as it is", he said jokingly, smiling at Remus. 

"Oh, uh, thanks Pads. Didn't see that there."

"You don't say. I thought you were comatose while standing up, if that's even possible."

"It's not really possible."

"Oh. Well, I guess you'd know. Anyway, got to get back." He saluted Remus with his Beater's bat and flew off. Remus couldn't help but admire the view as he left. Then he slapped himself mentally and watched as James, a born leader, showed just why McGonagall had picked him for Quidditch captain. Lily might not have figured it out yet, he thought, but James Potter wasn't just an arrogant arsehole - he was kind, brave, loyal, and a damn good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I don't hate Marlene, I just needed someone to make Remus jealous. Also, I'm aware that the Quidditch tryouts are far too early in the year, but I couldn't think of what else to put there, and I feel like James is obsessed enough with Quidditch that he'd hold them that early anyway. Also, sorry if I spoiled the first Game of Thrones, but really, everyone you love is going to die. Not even an exaggeration. Sorry. Comment and tell me what you thought!


	10. Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first Quidditch match of the season and the infamous "prank" on Snape.

In three weeks’ time, it was Gryffindor’s first match of the season, and they were going to be playing Slytherin, somewhat predictably. James was considerably nervous about the match, as it was his first game as captain, and he was worried his new team wouldn’t do well. Remus thought he was worrying too much, because from what he’d seen, the team flew exceptionally well together – they seemed to have a sort of hive mind, he thought. However, he didn’t tell James this, as he didn’t think it’d be taken well. James had rather a liking for wallowing and being generally overly dramatic, the latter of which Lily could have confirmed to anyone. 

Sirius didn’t seem to share James’ worries, and to take their minds off it, the two started planning a party for a couple of weeks’ time. James and Sirius’ parties were somewhat legendary, even considering the grand scale on which Gryffindor parties were usually held. Remus, although disapproving of the amount of alcohol that would no doubt be consumed at this party, knew it was a good way to keep both boys out of trouble and stop them from being anxious over the match. 

He, however, had more pressing concerns. The full moon was the same day as the Gryffindor-Slytherin match, and that meant he only had two more days. His senses were already playing havoc in anticipation, and he was sleeping worse and worse. This happened every full moon, but it didn’t mean he had to like it, he thought tiredly. 

“Of course we’ll come with you”, Sirius said, cutting into Remus’ mental soliloquy. 

“You will not! You’ll be all worn out from the Quidditch match, and you’ll be of no use to anyone then.”

“Moony. We’re your friends. We’ll be there”, Peter said, ever kind. 

“Just try and stop us”, James laughed, and that was the end of that.

The day of the Quidditch match came, and tensions between the four houses were high. There was a large betting pool already, and it was rumoured that even McGonagall had bet – Gryffindor, of course. As it was the first match of the season, it was important to both teams to try and win, because it was commonly believed that whoever won the first match would have a lucky streak for the rest of the season. James and Sirius had sat up until nearly one that morning discussing tactics, at which point Remus had forced them to go to bed, saying that if they didn’t sleep, then Slytherin would beat them easily. 

Remus, tired and ill as he was, came to the match, although he was feeling steadily worse and worse as the game wore on. By the time the Gryffindor Seeker had caught the Snitch, he was almost ready to pass out. James and Sirius celebrated with the rest of the team while Lily, Peter and Remus quietly walked up to the Hospital Wing. He stayed there for the rest of the afternoon, unable to face the thought of going anywhere or doing anything with the threat of the full moon looming over him. 

That evening, Madam Pomfrey escorted him down to the Whomping Willow, where he then proceeded to the Shrieking Shack. Once inside, he looked around, Peter appeared from under the invisibility cloak. 

“Where are Sirius and James?” he asked.

“They’ll be along. Just had to take care of some team stuff quickly, but they said they’d be here soon”, Peter said. Remus nodded. 

“Don’t watch me transform”, he said, as usual, and Peter turned away. He didn’t really need to ask them every time, he supposed, but he did anyway. He could hear the sound of Peter shifting behind him, and then his body tensed and he remembered no more.

When he awoke, himself once more, he was in the Hospital Wing, and the first rays of dawn were beginning to show themselves through the stained-glass windows. He moved his arms and then regretted it almost instantly, as it was excruciatingly painful. As his nerves awoke with the rest of him, he could feel cuts up and down their length, which Madam Pomfrey would probably be able to heal. Still, it hurt like nothing else. He heard the bang of a door and breathed in sharply. Who knew he would be here? Madam Pomfrey wouldn’t be around until about half an hour later, he knew, so he wondered who it was. He looked up as the door opened and Sirius walked in.

“How’re you feeling, Moony?”

“P-pretty shit”, he croaked out, unable to form sentences with such a dry and aching throat. The door opened again, and James stalked in, eyes flashing dangerously and looking angrier than Remus would have thought possible. 

“What the fuck, Sirius. What the fuck was that?!” he yelled, snapping the dead silence like flimsy plastic. Sirius flinched. 

“W-what was what?” Remus asked, utterly confused. James ignored him and grabbed Sirius by the collar of his shirt, shoving him against the wall and breathing heavily. 

“Fuck’s sake, Sirius! How could you? How could you do it?”

“Do what”, Remus asked insistently. What was going on? James turned to him, wand still at Sirius’ throat. 

“Someone here thought it’d be funny”, he spat, “a bit of a laugh to tell Snape where you were. Snape being the fucker he is came after you, and I had to stop him from getting to you, but he saw you at the end of the tunnel. Fucking hell, Sirius, what made you think that was a good idea?” Remus lay there, shocked. Once the words sank in, he turned to Sirius.

“A joke? You thought it’d be a joke? Turning his robes Gryffindor-red is a joke. Sending him after me? I could’ve killed him”, his voice cracked. “I could have killed him without knowing, I could have killed James too. I’m a werewolf, you fucking idiot. I’m a fucking murderous beast, and I can’t recognise friend from enemy, and you thought sending Snape after me would be a joke?” Sirius couldn’t meet his eyes. “Look at me”, he snapped. Sirius looked up, resignation, terror and shame in his eyes. “How could you, Sirius? How could you?”

When no answer was forthcoming, Remus looked at his hands. His scarred, torn hands. “Get out of my sight”, he said softly. “Both of you. I can’t deal with this right now.” With that, he turned over, buried his head in his pillow and sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Remus! Ok, so this was a little (a lot) sad to write, because when I first read it, it was one of the saddest parts of the sixth book. It will get better, but that's not exactly something you can forget quickly.


	11. Apologies, cuddles and dates with Minnie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius apologises for the trick, and while Remus finds it hard to forgive him, the four begin making their way back to normal. Also, Professor McGonagall is definitely NOT dating Sirius Black

It was two weeks before any of them spoke to Sirius again. Fourteen days, three hours and forty-six minutes. He’d been counting every one of them. Counting, and trying to understand the fact that he could have been a murderer. He could have killed Snape. Fucking hell, he could have killed James. He could have killed one of his best friends and not even known until it was too late. Sirius spent the whole time avoiding them. Meals were silent, the three remaining boys trying not to look each other in the eye. It was worse in the dormitory. Sirius left before they did in the mornings, and went to bed earlier than them in an attempt to avoid them completely. If anything was said to each other it consisted only of “You’re standing on my towel” or “Please pass the toothpaste”. 

The silence, Remus thought, was oppressive and unbearable, and he wished Sirius hadn’t done this. Wished that they could go back to the way they were before, but they couldn’t, not when one friend was almost a killer, another almost dead, and the third responsible for it. He just wanted Sirius to apologise, to acknowledge what he’d done and how terrible it was, and then maybe they could have a shot at fixing this mess their friendship had become. 

Finally, Sirius came to find him in the library. As surprised as he was to see Sirius in the library, he was as equally surprised to know he was there to apologise. While Remus had wanted this, he hadn’t expected it to happen. Sirius’ aristocratic, pureblood upbringing usually prevented him from apologising, telling him that Blacks didn’t apologise. When Sirius sat down opposite him, he looked up. Sirius looked tired, he noted. Tired and worn, almost like himself after a full moon, but less scratched. 

“Remus. Can I talk to you, please?” Something in the pleading tone of his voice made Remus put down his quill and look at him fully. “I-I’m really sorry for what I did that night. It’s no excuse, and it was a truly awful thing to do, but I’m really sorry. Please, I’m desperate without you.”

“I could have killed your best mate”, Remus said bluntly. “I would have been a killer, and James would have been dead.”

“I know. I know it could have gone horrifically wrong, and I’m really sorry. Please, please, Remus, can you forgive me?” The despondency in Sirius’ tone made his voice shake. 

“Alright, Sirius, I’ll forgive you. Not because this was something I’ll forget easily, but because I’ve missed you too.” Sirius nodded, and Remus thought that maybe things would get better.

It seemed Remus’ forgiveness meant that James and Peter would now talk to Sirius, and while they weren’t the same happy, carefree boys for some time, they were at least talking. The incident wasn’t forgotten, but as the boys slowly forgave each other, it diminished. While the boys were happy to be talking once more, most of the rest of the school was mourning, because while James and Sirius were fighting, the party had been cancelled.

“Trust them to only care about that”, Remus said to James at breakfast one morning. “They’re not concerned that you two, who are practically inseparable, were fighting. They’re just disappointed that the party’s cancelled.” James grinned and nodded, swallowing his toast before speaking. Remus appreciated the small gesture, because he really hated seeing James’ half-chewed food. 

“Don’t care. Not like it was their business or anything. Anyway, Sirius and I have decided to have the party anyway, just not this week. Maybe we’ll have it after the Hufflepuff-Gryffindor match in a couple of weeks.” Remus rolled his eyes. Trust them to already have rescheduled it. 

“Oi Moony”, Sirius said, dropping onto the bench next to him, “you done the questions for Charms yet?”

“Yes, Padfoot, I’ve done them. No, you can’t copy them.”

“Aww, but Moony”, Sirius whined. “You love me, you know you do. Can’t I just copy them for once?” Remus blanched at Sirius’ words, then remembered that he probably ought to act at least semi-normal, and not as though he’d spent half the night dreaming about Sirius. 

“Do your own bloody work for once”, he grumbled, putting his head down and narrowly missing Sirius’ bowl of cereal. “I’m too tired, and I’m not doing your work for you.”

“Quite right”, came a voice from behind them. Sirius jumped and turned around to see Professor McGonagall walking past. “Remus won’t be doing any of your work, will he?” she said, sending a pointed glare at Sirius.

“Minnie! Of course dear Remus wouldn’t do my work – I’m simply brilliant on my own. Speaking of which, can’t wait for our date tonight.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Mr Black, unless you wish to find yourself serving detention in the Forbidden Forest, I suggest you stop referring to them as dates.”

“Well, that depends. Would you be in the Forbidden Forest too, Professor?” Peter snorted into his juice, inhaled accidentally and then choked. James thumped him on the back, not taking his eyes off the spectacle in front of him. Professor McGonagall didn’t reply, just raised an eyebrow and walked away. Sirius turned back to the table and began to laugh. “Did you see the look on her face, Moony?” he spluttered, wrapping an arm around Remus’ shoulders. Remus froze and laughed nervously, trying to ignore the warm feeling of Sirius’ hand around him. 

“Very funny, Pads”, he managed. Sirius didn't appear to notice his struggle, and instead, like the dog he sometimes was, rubbed his head along Remus' shoulder. Remus began to panic, and threw Sirius' arm off him. "Got to...got to go talk to Lily about something. I'll see you in Divination."

As he walked away, James called after him. "Make sure you put in a good word for me with her!" Remus half-turned, flipped him two fingers and continued walking, wondering yet again how he'd managed to land himself with such crazy friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, all's well that ends well, isn't that how the saying goes? But it's not ended yet - I'm only just getting warmed up. I've been wondering about whether the "slow burn" part of this is going too slow. What do you think?


	12. The Australian national anthem (translated to Spanish) and other mischief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sheep sing the Australian national anthem in Spanish, Remus and Sirius steal Firewhisky, and Lily kidnaps Remus to work mysterious magic on him before the party.

By the time the day of the party had arrived, Remus had had enough. He didn’t know what it was, but there was something about the Gryffindor parties that always sent people into a frantic frenzy. Sirius, of course, loved this, and was doing his utmost to encourage it while trying to convince Remus to aid him in the Firewhisky-stealing expedition.

"Please, Moony? We've got the cloak and the map. Nothing bad's going to happen."

"The last time you said that, we ended up with a flock of sheep singing the Australian national anthem, Padfoot!"

"They were Australian sheep, I figured they'd want to be patriotic."

"The sheep don't care what country they come from! Also, the Australian national anthem wasn't originally written in Spanish", Remus pointed out.

"It wasn't? Huh. That's odd. I could have sworn that the sheep were singing the original version. Anyway, that was ages ago. Will you help me, please, please Moony?"

"It wasn't ages ago, it was yesterday, you prat", Remus said fondly. "But alright, I'll come with you." And with that, Sirius had changed into Padfoot and licked his face far too enthusiastically. Remus pushed him away and attempted to mop up the new ocean that was forming, courtesy of one slobbery black dog. The afternoon of the party, Sirius tried to convince him to skip class to go to Hogsmeade for the Firewhisky, but Remus put his foot down. If he was going to do something illegal, he may as well break as few rules as possible. Once Herbology was over, the two of them snuck out through the one-eyed witch passageway under the cover of James' cloak. 

"Ouch, Pads. Do you mind not treading all over my foot?"

"Not my fault you've got delicate feet, Moony", Sirius smirked.

"Delicate feet? You're losing your touch; that was practically a compliment", Remus smiled back, surprised to see Sirius blush in response. Then Sirius trod on his foot again and he promptly forgot how adorable the sight of a blushing Sirius was. "Fucking hell, are you an elephant or a dog?"

With the arrival of the Firewhisky, James couldn’t keep his excitement contained, which meant that neither could Peter, owing to his grand desire to do whatever James was doing. Sirius was bounding around the room, acting more and more like his Animagus form with every sip of Firewhisky he was “testing for poison”. Remus couldn’t stand the noise, and went to go find Lily. He didn’t have to go very far, and found her sitting in the common room.

“Hey Lily. Coming to the party tonight?” She raised her eyebrows at him, which he took to mean “Of course not, I am a sensible prefect, unlike you, and James Potter will be there so what else would you expect”. Remus put on his best pleading face, which must have worked, because Lily sighed.

“Fine, I’ll come tonight, but only if you warn Potter not to try anything with me. And maybe keep Black away from me to be on the safe side, although if you’re going you won’t need to try very hard.” She grinned at him, then appeared to remember that she was trying to look unenthusiastic about the party and promptly wiped the expression off her face.

“What do you mean about Sirius?” Now Remus was utterly confused. 

“Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about me. I’m just talking nonsense as usual”, she said, not really convincingly, but changed the subject before Remus could say anything more. “What are you planning to wear tonight? I hear Caradoc Dearborn’s going to be there, and while he’s not exactly Sirius, he’s not a troll either.” She wiggled her eyebrows and laughed at his horrified expression. “I’m only joking, but he isn’t bad-looking, and I hear he swings both ways.”

“Dearborn is bi?” When did that happen, Remus wondered. “And I was just kind of planning on wearing this”, he gestured to himself. 

“Remus”, Lily said, shaking her head, “I may not be the most fashion-obsessed of girls, but I do know that’s not going to cut it. Didn’t you go to the last lot of Potter and Black’s parties?”

“Um, no, not really. I was…sick…for the last one, and the ones before that I just didn’t feel like it.”

“Well, they tend to be a bit of a big deal. Not that I approve. Too much illegal alcohol, really. But you can’t wear that”, she stated firmly, getting up and dragging Remus with her. “You’re coming with me, and we’re going to give Black, Dearborn and everyone else the surprise of their lives.”

“Um…you know I’m not female, right? The stairs aren’t going to let me up.” Lily just smiled mysteriously and continued walking. Bloody hell, Remus thought. James had better not ever find out that Lily can get around the enchantments on the stairs, or I won’t hear the end of it until he finds out how to do it too. Lily pulled Remus into her dormitory, and he was relieved to see that firstly, none of her roommates were there, and secondly, there was a wonderful lack of pink. In fact, it pretty much resembled his own room, except without all the mess that three teenage boys (Remus wasn’t messy except with his books) could create.

Lily walked over to a large bookshelf, the contents of which were an interesting mix of spellbooks, classic novels and murder mysteries. Without looking up, Lily explained “I brought the shelf in second year, and since then we’ve just been filling it with all kinds of books.” Apparently having found the book she wanted, she pulled it out and flipped through until she located the correct page. Remus craned for a look at the title. ‘Household transfiguration: everything you need to know that school doesn’t teach’.

“Bit of an unwieldy title, isn’t it”, he commented. Lily nodded, not really paying attention. She pointed to an empty section of floor.

“Stand over there”, she said, and then pulled out her wand. “Dorcas taught me how to do this; it’s her book. I hope it works out.” Remus thought that sounded rather ominous, and faced her nervously. He closed his eyes as she started to wave her wand and hoped for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was sort of just filling the space, and setting the scene for the party, although it did have an adorable Wolfstar moment. It's still early days, but maybe the party will help them get their act together a bit. Or not. You'll have to wait and see. Comment and tell me what you thought!


	13. Drunken Trysts and Sadness: How to Party According to Remus Lupin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus, transformed like Cinderella by his very own red-headed fairy godmother, goes to the ball and doesn't get the prince. Drunken mistakes and regretful sadness follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't beat Chapter 10 for angst, but this is quite the runner-up. Made me miserable on Remus' behalf just writing it.

When Remus walked down the stairs some time later, the three boys in the common room looked absolutely shocked. Walking over to them, Remus ignored James' indignant exclamation of "How the hell'd you get up there!?" and looked at Sirius. Sirius looked back. In fact, Sirius had done nothing but look since Remus had come in sight. 

"You right there, mate?" he asked, leaning over to sit next to Sirius, probably a bit closer than was strictly necessary. Sirius' eyes widened and he made a garbled sort of noise. Remus grinned. This was fun. "So, what do we still have to do?" he asked James, turning away from Sirius. 

"Are-are those new jeans", he heard Sirius ask in a slightly strangled voice from his other side. "They look a bit...tight", he continued. Remus shrugged. In actual fact, he was highly aware that they were far too tight - his hips were protesting at being shoved into an unnaturally small space - but he'd been threatened on pain of death when he'd asked Lily if he could take them off. He wasn't even sure if it was physically possible to remove something this tight. He knew he was acting oddly, and far too recklessly to be passed off as normal, strictly-between-friends behaviour afterwards, but he just couldn't bring himself to care. Not when Sirius sat there looking at him like he was edible. 

Lily had transfigured his sensible, comfortable pants into really, really (really, really, really) tight blue jeans, and his cosy sweater into a blue shirt. He'd protested when she'd tried making the shirt tight as well, and so she'd left it loose, but made it a shade of blue that "brought out the colour of his eyes" or some rubbish. Then she'd forced him to sit down and attacked him with eyeliner. He wasn't entirely sure why girls thought poking at their eyes with a sharp pencil was a good idea, but he did have to admit that it made him look different. She'd even messed with his hair. He didn't really know why he'd let her do this, but he was having too much fun already to stop now. Fortunately, the arrival of several other Gryffindor boys prevented Remus from losing his head and ruining the night entirely. He closed his eyes, breathed in shakily, and forced himself to get up and move away from Sirius. 

Several drinks later (although Remus would never admit to anyone that he'd consumed alcohol), Remus stumbled over to sit beside the fire and try to catch his breath. The tight jeans combined with the Firewhisky he'd drunk were making him rather unsteady, and he wasn't happy about that. It wouldn't do, he thought blearily, for a Gryffindor prefect to get drunk. From here, he could see the whole common room. There was Peter, making friends with the food they'd got from the kitchens while talking to a pretty Hufflepuff Fifth-year. There was James, talking emphatically with Lily, and probably about to get his balls hexed off yet again. And there was Sirius, kissing Marlene McKinnon in a dark corner. Suddenly he wanted to throw up, and it wasn't entirely the Firewhisky's fault either. While watching Sirius drunkenly grope Marlene, Remus began to admire the fact that he hadn't been the only one to have dressed up for the party. Sirius was wearing his leather jacket, his hair hanging low on his shoulders. Black jeans encased his legs, and then poured into his sturdy combat boots. And...was that? No, surely not. When Sirius turned his head on an angle, Remus got a glimpse of a leather collar around his neck. Damn it all, he thought. He looks like sex on legs. 

Suddenly ashamed of his behaviour and his thoughts, he stood up to go outside and hopefully sober up. He'd been acting ridiculously. What had he been thinking? Sirius was straight, as the presence of Marlene indicated, and he was entirely uninterested in Remus, also indicated by the previous. He'd just been shocked earlier by the realisation that Remus apparently had a life outside of reading and studying. As the cool night air hit his face from an open window by the portrait hole, he was reminded again of his primary school years. He thought he'd left that all behind, but apparently not. Apparently people still only thought of him as the studious, bookish one, the unimportant one. God, he really was a sad drunk, wasn't he?

He looked up as another boy staggered out of the common room, looking thoroughly inebriated. Funny, the sober part of Remus' brain thought, that you can still use polysyllabic words while drunk, and Sirius is reduced to practically grunting. The boy stopped in front of him, and Remus recognised him as the previously-promised Caradoc Dearborn.

"Lupin", he slurred. "You're looking pretty hot tonight. Mind if I join you here?" Remus swallowed painfully, thinking of Sirius, then nodded as he remembered what said boy was currently up to. Caradoc apparently took his assent as an invitation to wind himself around Remus like a python around a tree, and Remus let him, just wanting to forget all about dark-haired boys with enigmatic grey eyes and mischievous wit. So that was how Remus ended up pinned against a wall, gasping and breathing raggedly with a fairly drunk Caradoc on his knees sucking him off. When he came, he closed his eyes, bit his lip, and tried desperately not to shout the name of his extremely straight, extremely uninterested friend. He pushed Caradoc aside just as he passed out, more drunk than either of them had thought, and ran away into the night, unable to face anything that had happened that night. He returned to their dormitory several hours later, more sober and more miserable than he'd been all night, and fell asleep imagining Sirius sucking him off, instead of Caradoc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you it was angsty. I have no idea how long it'll take them to work it out. I just write, they're the ones doing things at their own pace. Definitely some regret on both sides to follow, and hopefully Sirius can admit what he really thought of Remus' outfit.


	14. In which a Roman legion comes to visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is hungover and so is Sirius. Sirius is also extremely sleepy, and acts in a very confusing way.

Remus awoke to the sound of an entire Roman legion marching through his dormitory. When he opened his eyes to see the legion, he immediately shut them again, because the legion apparently had high-power torches and were shining them in his eyes painfully. His stomach rolled, and he realised there was no legion, only an impressive and excruciating hangover, only made worse by Remus' attempt to sit up. Eventually, he was passably vertical, and rummaged through his bedside drawer for the vial of Hangover Potion he kept in there, never imagining he'd have to use it on anyone other than Sirius. Pulling the stopper out, he paused to settle the wave of nausea rushing through him like the Hogwarts Express at top speed before drinking the contents of the vial. Slowly, the pain receded, the legion marched back to Ancient Rome, and the Hogwarts Express continued on its merry way to goodness knew where. He cracked one eyelid open experimentally, and then the other when nothing awful happened. Looking around, it seemed as though the others had had a night as eventful as his. Peter was passed out, snoring like a hippogriff, with a Hufflepuff scarf draped round his neck and lipstick marks on his cheek and lips. James was fast asleep, curled in on himself, looking for all the world like the innocent eleven-year-old he'd once been. Sirius, however, wasn't even there. His bed was unmade, because it was Sirius and his bed was never made, but Remus could tell from the lack of Padfoot-shaped dents in the mattress that Sirius hadn't slept there last night. 

The Hogwarts Express came rushing back, bringing not nausea this time but last night's memories, and slamming into him like a brick wall. Fuck, he'd been sucked off by Caradoc Dearborn. A very drunk Caradoc Dearborn, who hopefully would remember none of last night, especially not the parts featuring Remus. And Sirius had hooked up with Marlene. That'd be where he was now, wherever they'd ended up to fuck. He stumbled down into the common room, almost tripping over several other students, not all of them Gryffindor. He looked around, searching for the familiar black hair, the (sexy as all hell) black collar and the shape of his friend. Marlene was sleeping on one of the chairs near the window, her clothes all messed and unbuttoned, hair limp and tangled. They hadn't fucked right here, surely, Remus thought. He knew Sirius was a terrible flirt, but he didn't think that he'd fuck someone on the floor of the common room in plain view of at least half the school. Hope bloomed in his heart. Maybe Sirius hadn't fucked her after all. Yeah, maybe not, but neither of them appeared to have had an entirely innocent night, he thought. 

He spun around, regretting it almost instantly, and then stopped. There, by the portrait hole, was Sirius. He rushed, or rather, walked as fast as his sleep-deprived and partially hungover state would allow, to his friend's side. 

"Sirius", he whispered, shaking his friend. He'd have awful cramps in his back from sleeping on the floor, and be an unbearable pain in the arse unless Remus could move him to somewhere more comfortable. "Sirius, wake up."

"Wuzappenin? Moony? Tha' you?" Sirius mumbled, mostly asleep still. 

"Sirius, you've fallen asleep on the common room floor, and you'll feel like shit later on if you don't get up."

"Moony?" Sirius sounded more awake now. "What are you doing? I thought you were off with that bloke. The Dearborn one."

"Well, I'm not. He passed out", Remus said shortly.

"Are you alright?"

"The floor isn't the place to be having this conversation. I'll take you back to the dormitory and get you some Hangover Potion, and then you can ask all the questions you want." Saying that, Remus lifted his friend, draping Sirius' arm around his shoulders. "Come on, Pads, you're going to need to help. I can't carry you on my own."

"Course not. You're all thin. Need to eat more", Sirius decided. Remus thought that perhaps Hangover Potion was certainly needed. "You smell good, Moony", Sirius said, burying his nose in Remus' neck. Now Remus felt weak for another reason. 

"Sirius, this is not the time or the place", he hissed. "Please, just cooperate." Somehow, he managed to drag his sleepy, hungover friend back to their dormitory, laying Sirius on his bed and then going for the rest of his Hangover Potion. Once Sirius had drunk it, he looked slightly more alert and less like he was about to vomit on Remus.

"There, I've drunk it. Happy now?"

"Thrilled. Absolutely over the moon."

"You're so sarcastic when you're hungover, it's hilarious. You never did answer my question though. Are you alright? What happened with Dearborn yesterday?”

“Nothing. He sucked me off then passed out. I could ask you the same. What were you doing with Marlene?”

“That fucker. He shouldn’t treat you like that, Moony.” Sirius had a surprisingly possessive glint in his eye for someone who’d only just regained full consciousness. It make Remus go pink, and he turned away to hide it. This was confusing and unfair. Sirius couldn’t just act like that after spending the night doing who knew what with Marlene. 

Sirius, totally unaware of what had just passed through Remus’ head, had apparently decided that he wanted more sleep, and so sleep he did. He fell forwards onto Remus’ lap, snuffling quietly. Remus sighed. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair at all. He shifted around, trying not to wake Sirius, who did look like he needed the sleep, to be honest. He leaned his back against the hard, cold headboard and stretched his legs out, letting Sirius’ head lean on his chest. He figured he’d probably be here for a while, knowing Sirius’ world-class sleeping habits, and so grabbed Sirius’ pillow and promptly fell asleep himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's not the happy ending yet, but it is adorable, admittedly. I'm really sorry about all the Marlene hate. I'm sure she's a lovely character, but I unfortunately needed to use her as a scapegoat and an object of jealousy. Comment and tell me what you thought!


	15. Unexpected Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily takes it upon herself to inform Remus of the school's opinion. Remus, in a jealous and longing state, doesn't take it very well.

After a week, the incident had been all but forgotten in the wake of more pranks by the Marauders. Sirius did manage to land himself in detention once again, this time for hexing Caradoc Dearborn so that his skin turned an ugly purple and developed nasty boils. Madam Pomfrey had managed to fade the purple to lilac, but hadn't yet been able to remove the spell entirely. Remus, at hearing this, made a disapproving face and said nothing, but his mind was in turmoil. What had Sirius meant by it? 

However, the matter had been put to the back of his mind as the amount of schoolwork he was receiving steadily increased, as did the amount of tricks played by the Marauders. Remus found himself with very little time alone, but was grateful for this, because he was trying to avoid thinking about the events of that night and the morning that followed. He didn't want to consider the effect that morning had had on him. He didn't want to think about the way it had felt to wake up several hours later with Sirius in his arms, wishing it was forever, not just once. He definitely didn't want to remember the grey eyes and soft black hair that had subsequently featured in his dreams and fantasies. He threw himself headfirst into his work, studying like he had never done before (which was honestly a feat - Remus was the kind of person who actually enjoyed studying) and blocked out all thoughts of Sirius. 

Lily, however, had other ideas. 

"What's wrong with you, Remus?"

"What do you mean? Nothing! Nothing. I'm perfectly fine."

She fixed him with a steely gaze. "If you're fine, then I'm the Queen. You and Sirius have been walking around looking like a wet weekend."

"You'd make a very good queen, in my opinion. You're very regal, you know. Regal and opinionated and good at leading."

"Arrghh!" Lily threw up her hands in frustration. "I'm not really interested in whether or not I'd be a good queen. I'm more interested in the fact that you're my friend, and I'm concerned about you, because you honestly look like terrible."

"Thanks, Lils. Always appreciate the compliments. Anyway, it's nothing to worry about. Just some stuff with Sirius."

"This is about the party, isn't it?"

"How do you know that?" Remus protested, then realised what he'd said. "Um, that doesn't mean you're right or anything."

"I know I'm right. I saw him all over her, you know. They weren't exactly hiding it. But I want to hear it from you."

"Fine. Sirius and Marlene obviously hooked up or something. Caradoc and I..." he trailed off not wanting to go into detail about that. "Caradoc and I did some stuff. The next morning I woke up very hung over, gave Sirius some hangover potion and rescued him from the floor, and then we fell asleep again." He omitted the fact that they'd fallen asleep in the same bed and woken up so tightly curled around each other that Remus was beginning to suspect one of them was secretly a boa constrictor, not a wolf or dog. 

"You slept with Caradoc!?" Lily practically shouted it, getting stares from the other occupants of the library. "Oh, sod off", she huffed at them. "It's none of your business anyway."

"I did not. We just...fooled around a bit."

"Does Sirius know about that?"

"Um, yeah. He asked, so I told him. Should I not have?"

"No, no, it's fine. It just explains a couple of things. Like why Caradoc will have to be taken to St Mungo's to get the boils removed and why Sirius has been moping around."

"You think he was jealous?"

"Of course, don't you? When I told you before that he was possibly confused, what I didn't tell you is that the rest of the school is not as confused. There have been rumours about you two for years."

"Rumours?" Remus yelped. 

"Yeah, rumours. I mean, it's not like they're not based on a small bit of truth. You two are always touching each other, always joking around, always doing things that could be counted as flirting. Have been for years."

"What!?" Remus shook his head in disbelief. Did people really think this? Although, he had to admit, they did touch a lot more than with James or Peter. But that was just how they were. It didn't mean anything. "I don't think so, Lily. I mean, I'd love it to be true. You know I've liked Sirius for ages. I'd like that more than anything, but I just think you've all got the wrong end of the stick." She looked at him long and hard. 

"Alright, I'll leave it." For that, Remus was extremely thankful. He turned back to his work as Lily walked away.

"1 tablespoon of crushed hellebore, 3 drops of armadillo bile", he said under his breath, trying to remember the rest of the ingredients. There were nettles in it, weren't there? Or maybe salamander blood. He wasn't sure, and got up to check in the Potions section for the potion instructions. Walking down into the far end of the aisle, he paused in the dimly lit space and read along the spines of the books. Stretching up on tiptoe, he pulled the book down. Damn it, he thought. Even books aren't safe anymore. The cover was the exact same shade of grey as Sirius' eyes. He threw the book on the nearest shelf and ran back to the table, grabbing his stuff and leaving. He couldn't stay there, not now that his mind was on other, far more pleasurable activities that could have been happening in that dark corner. Remus, you fucking idiot, get your act together, he told himself sternly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep meaning to resolve this a lot faster, but the chapters don't want to cooperate. It must be the Black influence: resistance of any and all authority. I think the next chapter will incorporate a lot more contextual elements, i.e. the First Wizarding War. Comment and tell me what you thought!


	16. It is the quality of one's convictions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius receives the news of his uncle's death, and he and Remus sit together, exploring and dreading the possibilities of a future marked by war.

The death toll had been rising, the Daily Prophet said. They didn't want to admit to having another Dark Wizard (everyone was still frightened of the name Grindelwald), but it was hard to get around the fact that a man named Tom Riddle and his followers had been targeting Muggles and Muggleborn wizards all over magical Britain. Remus put down the newspaper, unable to deal with the numbers listed there, and wondered when it had come to this. When did man turn on man? Why did brother fight brother? Wizards formed a nation that was divided by its prejudices, and nothing was going to survive when the war came. Because war was surely coming, Remus thought grimly. 

Some of the Muggleborn students had already had their families targeted. It was heartbreaking to see the cries of anguish when the post came in, bearing the black letter that signified the worst fate for their families. Now, however, the bad news came in the form of a creamy white envelope, sharply stamped with the Black family crest. Remus had to stop Sirius from setting it (and probably most of the Gryffindor table as well, knowing his luck) on fire. 

"Padfoot, stop. What if it's important?"

"I don't give a fuck!" Sirius swore. Even McGonagall didn't reprimand him this time, although she'd surely heard him at the volume he'd shouted. Remus grabbed Sirius' wrists and turned him so they were facing. 

"Sirius", he said softly. "Sirius." He didn't need to say anything else, just held on as Sirius stared back at him. When Sirius began to look a little calmer, Remus let go and picked up the letter. Abandoning his breakfast, he looked at James, silently telling him that he'd deal with this. Then he took Sirius' hand again and walked out of the Great Hall, the solemnity of the situation preventing him from enjoying this moment of contact. When they got to the dormitory, he sat Sirius down, handed him the letter and turned to open the window. 

"Read it", he said. So Sirius did. At first, all Remus could hear was the chirping of birds, incongruous with the heavy aura of dread in the room, and the crackle of stiff, expensive paper. Then he heard a quiet, almost inaudible sound behind him and turned around so fast he nearly fell over. Sirius' shoulders shook beneath his heavy school robes, and his face was crumpled. 

"W-what is it?' Remus asked gently.

"Uncle Alphard's- he's dead. He's dead, and he was the only one of the lot that was ever decent to me", Sirius said, voice cracking. "He's dead because he stood up to them as well. He didn't play their little games, so they killed him. I know they did, but no one's ever going to be able to prove it", he continued, chest heaving with sobs. Remus sat down next to him, shocked. He'd known it would be bad news, but he hadn't expected this. Sirius shoved the letter at him. Reading over it, he noted that Sirius was Alphard's heir, and had therefore inherited quite a sum of money. It was no compensation, he thought, no compensation at all for the one person in that fucking family who cared about him. He sighed, put his arm around Sirius' shaking shoulders and pulled him in close. Resting his cheek on Sirius' hair, he realised he was at a loss, completely out of his depth. That's what this war would do to them, he thought bitterly. It would take and take from innocent people, and everyone would stand by and watch, not knowing what to do. 

"I hate them", Sirius said quietly. "I hate every one of them." He didn't mention Andy and neither did Remus, because both of them knew Andromeda was the exception, and not part of the collective 'them'. 

There was silence for a while, and then- 

"Dumbledore's asked me to join the Order of the Phoenix, you know. When I leave school. James too."

"Has he? Do you think you will?"

"Hell yes. I told you, I hate them. I'm going to do every single fucking thing I can to make sure they and people like them can't hurt anyone else."

Another pause followed. Remus stared at the rabbit-shaped crack in the plaster on the end wall.

"Maybe I'll join too. If Dumbledore'll have a...a werewolf."

"Of course he will. How could he not?"

"Well, I'm a werewolf. I'm in the Monster Book of Monsters, and a bunch of the other textbooks as well. I'm on the list of Dark Creatures in 73 different countries and I'm legally classified as sub-human. I'm a monster, Pads."

"Moony." The seriousness in his voice made Remus tilt his head down to look at Sirius. "You're not a monster. I've said it before and I'll say it until I'm blue in the face. You are not a monster. You're Remus, and I lo-" He cut off abruptly, turning away.

Remus went back to staring at the crack on the wall. Now didn't seem to be the time to ask what Sirius was going to say, not when he'd just received bad news.

"Will we ever be sure we've chosen the right sides?" Sirius' question made Remus turn back to him. 

"I think we have. We're fighting so that people can't be discriminated against based on something they can't control. In this case, it's Muggleborns, but I fit that description too. How could I not fight, when I know exactly how they feel to be treated like this. And I think we've got a very good chance, too. It's the quality of one's convictions, not the number of followers, that determines success."

Sirius looked back at him, their eyes meeting straight on for the first time in weeks. "Good. I thought so too. I just needed to know that someone else agreed with my reasoning."

Sirius shifted in his arms, and Remus went back to tracing the crack on the wall with his eyes. They sat like that for a long while, quiet, considering the future and the choices they'd have to make. The choices they'd already made. 

"What's happening, Moony? What's happening to our world?" For the first time in a very long time, perhaps ever, Sirius sounded scared. He always covered it with a mask of bravado and charm, but it was stripped away and there was fear in his voice and his eyes. 

"I don't know, Padfoot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had a very different feel and style to it. I had to read some philosophical, sad fanfic to get myself in the right mindset. I think that it'll get a bit more cheerful from here. Also, I had to include that quote from the Deathly Hallows. I feel like it was too complicated and profound for Remus to have come up with on the spot, and I like the thought of him using it to comfort Sirius. Comment and tell me what you thought!


	17. Spiders, whales, dogs and werewolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius, much like Hermione after him, walks out of Divination. Remus follows to comfort him and find out what's wrong.

Sirius was subdued and unnaturally quiet for days afterwards. While usually this was a sign of some stroke of comic genius and mischief, and was usually to be avoided at all costs because it signified something dramatic and odd was about to happen. In this case, however, Remus stuck close to Sirius the whole time, as did James and Peter. Marlene, thankfully, hadn't been more than a one-night-stand and so Remus didn't have to deal with his jealousy while trying to comfort his friend. Even McGonagall seemed worried, and kept sending him glances during class as if wondering when he was going to ask her out on a date (i.e. get detention) next. In Divination, however, it seemed that too much had been bubbling in the crucible of Sirius' mind for far too long, and, as bubbling crucibles were wont to do, and exploded. While the class was reading Tarot cards, Sirius sent a bolt of lightning at his and James' cards and stalked out of the tower. Peter began to get up to go after him, but James held him back and nodded at Remus. 

When did James get so observant and thoughtful, Remus wondered. He still remembered the boy from the train, lacking in tact but overfull with bright confidence. It seemed this war would change them all, because he'd once thought that James would never stop moving or talking. He stumbled down the silvery stairs, cursing the half-light when he nearly slipped and fell the entire height of the tower. He pulled the Map from his pocket, thanking the universe and everything in it that he'd had the foresight to nick it from James' trunk.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." The words sounded like a promise, a promise to himself and Sirius that they'd always find the light and playful after the dark. Determined to keep that promise, he searched the Map and found Sirius' dot in the second-floor Charms corridor. Breaking into a run, he hoped Sirius would stay there at least long enough for him to catch up. 

"Too bloody out of shape for this", he muttered to himself, and then laughed. Must be all that chocolate Padfoot keeps feeding me, he thought.

When he reached the corridor, he paused to take a breath, because he knew that if he was going to talk to Sirius alone he wouldn't have the chance to do any breathing then. He slipped through the Ravenclaw hangings covering the alcove and found Sirius there, sitting on the floor and staring morosely at a tiny spider. 

"Remus." It wasn't a question. Sirius knew he'd be here, just like Remus knew he'd be the one Sirius needed. Remus sat down on the floor beside him and they watched the spider together.

"Why'd you run out of Divination", Remus asked, hoping Sirius wouldn't mind the question.

"What's the point of learning to read the future if you're too bloody scared to face it? Thought I wouldn't waste my time anymore." He had a point. Remus looked at his profile in the dim light, then turned back to the spider.

"Maybe it won't be as bad as you're making out. Maybe we can all survive this together." He began to ramble, because he couldn't think of what else to say, but he didn't want the silence to swallow them whole. "Maybe someday Lily'll say yes, and James will come back to our room and his face will just light up, and we'll know. Maybe when we graduate Peter will go into Healing, because he's really kind and cares about people so much. You'll be an Auror, or a Curse-Breaker, or something with excitement, and you'll wear your leather jacket and ride a motorbike. And I'll work...I don't know where. A library, maybe." He paused for breath.

"And one day, James'll ask Lily to marry him, and she'll accept, because really they're perfect for each other even if she can't see it yet", he continued, "and they'll have little black-haired kids running all over the place and screaming. And Wormy'll get roped in to watch Disney with them on James and Lily's nights out, and you'll show them how to play Quidditch, and I'll read to them. And maybe, just maybe, all this can happen. We'll fight the war. We'll win, because with the promise of that, how could we not? And...and...perhaps the future's not as scary as you make it out to be", he finished, trailing off into silence. He was right, and the silence did swallow them, like a whale's mouth stretching around them and eating them up. And then Sirius spoke.

"I like your version of the future, Moony", he said quietly. "I can almost believe it'll happen. You make it so it's not something scary, but something exciting."

"That's what the future's meant to be. We're meant to look forward to it", he replied, equally as softly.

The spider crawled into a corner and began to weave a web, or so it looked to Remus. He watched it scuttle in circles around the dust and the strong, strong walls of the castle. 

"I've got to tell you something", Sirius said, pulling them out of the whale's mouth. "I should have told you this a while ago - I've known for ages." Remus nodded and listened. He knew instinctively that this would be something important. "I'm- I'm bi." Remus whipped his head around to look at Sirius. 

"I knew about the girls bit, but I didn't know you also liked boys", he remarked, not wanting to drive Sirius off, but trying to come to terms with what he'd just heard.

"Well, if it's any comfort, I didn't know either until I saw Fabian Prewett in the showers after the Ravenclaw match last year", Sirius said back, quirking one corner of his mouth wryly. 

"Prewett? Really? You decided you liked boys and you went for Prewett?"

"Didn't...go...for him. Just noticed", Sirius mumbled. Apparently not wanting to pursue the topic any further, he continued. "Anyway, I'm going to our dormitory, and you've got to go back to class." Sirius stood up and held out a hand to pull Remus up too.

"Thanks", he said, brushing dust off his robes and not noticing that Sirius was just standing there, silently watching him. Finally realising this, he looked up, hands freezing on his robes. Sirius had the oddest look on his face, half longing and half fear. Something snapped between them, and suddenly he was shoved up against the wall while Sirius pressed his lips on Remus'. He tensed in shock and surprise that Sirius was doing this, Sirius was actually kissing him and it felt just as wonderful as Remus had always dreamt it would. Sirius felt warm and solid and real against him, and he began to respond eagerly. 

Just as quickly as it had happened, Sirius was gone, sliding the Map out of Remus' pocket unnoticed, so that he couldn't be followed. Remus walked back to class in a daze, hands pressed to his mouth, and thought that perhaps he'd better pay more attention in Divination from now on, because he certainly never saw that coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I was wrong. I wasn't done with philosophy, apparently. Also, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! It happened finally, and it was adorable and I wanted it to be adorable but I didn't know it was going to be that good. Yes, it sounds like I don't know what I'm writing. That's pretty accurate. I'm just kind of going with the flow of the story. Hope you enjoyed it, but the Wolfstar's not done, there's plenty more to come. Comment and tell me what you thought!


	18. Wanted: Sirius Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Peter share some things and Remus still doesn't pay attention in Divination, despite earlier resolutions.

When he walked back into Divination without Sirius, most of the class and the teacher gave him a strange look.

"Oh, um, he wasn't feeling well, sorry."

Apparently accepting that explanation, the teacher turned away from Remus, leaving him to sit next to Peter. James raised his eyebrows at him across the table. 

"You alright, mate? You look as though someone's just told you that chocolate no longer existed", he said, then continued before Remus could speak. "Actually, I think if that happened, you'd look a lot more unhappy so I'll have to come up with another simile."

"Right", Remus said hoarsely. "You-you do that." He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the buzzing happiness running through him like a 200 Volt current. "I'm alright. I mean, I think so. I don't really know."

"What'd Sirius do now?" James asked, ruffling his hair and smiling as though he already knew the answer. 

"Um, uh", Remus faltered. He didn't really know whether he should say, but went ahead with it anyway in true Gryffindor style. "Uh, he kissed me." Peter turned to him, mouth open and looking rather like a fish, Remus thought bemusedly. James, however, leaned back in his chair, balancing it on two legs, and laughed. 

"Knew it", he said gloatingly. "He's always had a thing for you."

"He's what?" Remus didn't think that his day could get any stranger, but apparently he'd been wrong. 

"He's always had a thing for you", Peter said while smirking, apparently having recovered from his shock.

"Surely he told you that?"

"No. No, he didn't tell me anything. He just kind of...ran off."

"Damn it Padfoot, you're supposed to be the charmer and I'm supposed to be the one that does stupid things around girls...or, well, boys in this case." James appeared stunned at his friend's apparent stupidity, but Remus couldn't help thinking that Sirius had always done stupid things around him and it wasn't likely to stop now. "Well, in any case, you two have got to talk."

"Agreed, Prongs. The tension in the dormitory's been driving me mad for ages", Peter added. 

"Tension?"

"Honestly, Remus, you're the smart one here! Of course there's tension, you two are just dancing around each other and being so bloody blind that I thought I was going to have to hex the both of you into next week and then lock you somewhere secluded."

"Blind?"

"You'd think there was a bloody echo in here, wouldn't you, Prongs", Peter remarked, turning to James.

"Echo?" Peter leaned over and swatted James, reproving him for parroting Remus' state of distress. The small part of Remus' brain that had not yet died of surprise appreciated it. 

"Remus can't help repeating everything, he's too shocked I suppose. You, however, do not need to start as well." With that, Peter turned back to his Tarot cards, apparently done with the conversation. James followed suit, leaving Remus to sit and think things over. The thinking wasn't going very well, because his thoughts mainly consisted of "Sirius likes me? Sirius has liked me for ages?? What the actual fuck?" Remus decided that perhaps James was right, and the two of them definitely needed to discuss some things. 

Accordingly, as soon as Divination had finished, he leapt out of his seat and ran out of the classroom like all the three-headed hounds of hell were chasing him. As he left, Peter winked at him and James shouted "Go get your prince, Moony!"

Oh well, at least his friends weren't opposed to the idea, he thought. He'd been wondering how he was going to tell them (if at all), apart from Lily. He'd have to thank her someday. Even if he hadn't actually followed her advice, it had been good advice. He ran up the stairs, getting flung to the side as they changed.

"Fucking hell, you stupid castle", he swore. Now it would take even longer, and he just couldn't wait anymore, he'd been waiting for years already. He found he wasn't out of breath, not like before. He just needed to get to Sirius. He glared impatiently at the staircase, then gave up and ran up it anyway. It hadn't even stopped moving by the time he leapt off it and tried to figure out how to get to his dormitory with a castle and inhabitants that apparently intended to thwart him. 

He stopped outside the Fat Lady, realising that maybe he was actually out of breath, and that it seemed that only in romantic novels could they run after their one true love and not run out of breath. Fucking hell, had he really just referred to Sirius as his one true love? He was in deeper than he'd thought.

Suddenly, it occurred to him that perhaps Sirius had run off because he'd thought it was a mistake. Perhaps he had just been experimenting, or proving to Remus that yes, he was bi, although such a thing wasn't really proven that way. Maybe he was regretting it already, and had run off to go wash the taste of Remus from his mouth. Maybe he wouldn't be so welcome anymore, despite James' assurances that Sirius liked him. Perhaps he'd changed his mind, perhaps Remus was an awful kisser, or had bad breath or something. He began to panic, and the Fat Lady watched him, half sympathy and half disapproval. Oh, right, she's waiting for the password, he remembered. He really was going to lose all his braincells one day, and it would be all Sirius' fault. 

"Dies Irae", he said, thinking about bloody Latin and the password and irony and foreshadowing, and oh god he really needed to shut up sometimes, even when he wasn't even talking. Running up the stairs he burst into the dormitory and stopped dead. Where was Sirius? He'd said that he'd be here, right? Oh no, Remus thought. Fuck, he has run off, and I've read this the wrong way as usual. He looked in the bathroom perfunctorily, knowing perfectly well that Sirius wasn't there. He was about to walk out when a piece of paper on Sirius' bed caught his eye. 'Come and find me', it read.

"Fucking hell, Sirius Black. I am so done with this - you've made me exercise an unnatural amount already and now you want me to come find you!?" he said to the room at large. "I don't even have the Map because you nicked it - does it count as stealing if I stole it first? - and I haven't got a clue where you are." He banged his head against the wall next to Sirius' bed and then regretted it. No point losing his braincells even quicker, and it was definitely all Sirius' fault. He glanced out the window next to the bed, and caught sight of-

There he was! Sitting by the lake under a tree, his broom cast lazily next to him as though he was planning to go flying if Remus didn't turn up. It was too far away to make out his features, but Remus would know him anywhere. Don't go anywhere, Sirius, he thought. I've already run halfway around this school for you today. He looked out the window again, just to be sure, and then ran out of the room with a heroic effort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all coming together! It was going so slow, and it's picking up pace a bit, but it'll stay slow because Remus doesn't have the energy to run fast anymore ;) Comment and tell me what you thought!


	19. Honesty at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! The boys actually talk and (surprise, surprise) several interesting revelations come to light. I'm sure you can guess what they are, there's been enough foreshadowing already. I mean, it practically smacks you over the head and screams it at you.

"Do you think we could charm the Giant Squid to ask Lily on a date?" That was the first thing out of Sirius' mouth when Remus sat down. No "hello". No "sorry I made you run all over the school". Typical, Remus thought.

"Er, why?"

"Last year, she said she'd rather go out with the Giant Squid than James. I was wondering if you thought it'd be possible to arrange that?"

"Uh...", Remus said, feeling rather confused. Didn't he have a plan of some sort? Right. Plan. "Maybe I'll see later. But we need to talk. Seriously. And don't even laugh and say you always talk seriously."

"You're pregnant?"

"Wha-what? No!"

"Oh. That's what they always say on those Muggle shows on TV."

"Sirius, we- we're not in a Muggle show on TV. You know that, right?"

"I suppose not. Anyway, what did you want to talk about?"

"This", Remus said, gesturing to the space between them. "What were you doing earlier? Why'd you kiss me? Those are the starter questions, I'll keep the others for after." Sirius sighed and stretched out in the grass. His eyes were solemn, a little sad.

"I'm sorry, Moony. I didn't mean to, and you probably spent the rest of Divination in a dither about it, but you don't need to worry, I won't do it again."

"You won't?" Remus was disappointed. It hadn't been bad, in fact it had been pretty fucking fabulous, but he just really wanted to know why.

"Of course not. I don't want to come between you and Caradoc."

"You what?"

"Honestly, switch your ears on, Remus!"

"Me and Caradoc? What the hell is this?"

"You're not dating him then?" Sirius looked unsure, hopeful even.

"Of course not. Why the bloody fuck would I want to date Caradoc?"

"I don't know, because you and he did hell knows what on the night of the party?" Remus let out a disbelieving laugh.

"You're one to talk, you slept with Marlene that night."

"Didn't". Sirius mumbled.

"You didn't? I was sure you did."

"Nah. She was only distraction anyway."

"From what?"

"From you, you bloody great prat! From you and your fucking tight jeans and your eyeliner and what the hell did Lily even do because you looked hot. I mean, you always look hot, but y'know, I only noticed it then because I'm a giant fucking idiot." Remus just sat there and gaped. "Alright, I'll explain it properly, and in small words, because even though you're Remus Lupin and eat dictionaries for breakfast, I'm not and my brain can't cope." Sirius glared at the sky as though it was the sky's fault Remus liked the way long words felt in his mouth.

"I've liked you since Third Year, Moony you git. I like your hair and your smile. I like that you read books and you still believe in fairies even though technically they're Pixies. I like that you drink tea and eat far too much chocolate. And I like that you see me. The real me. You know I'm not the charming flirt that all the girls and even James and Peter think I am. You see that I'm sad sometimes, and manic-due-to-coffee sometimes. You know what I eat for breakfast, for fuck's sake! Seriously, I don't know how you haven't noticed all this yet, because you're the smartest in our year, but right now it seems like maybe you're also the stupidest." Sirius paused for breath and Remus cut in.

"Sorry, but I don't think insulting people is a good way to tell them you like them" he smiled.

"Shut up, I was talking. Prat", Sirius said fondly. "Since the start of this year it's just been harder and harder to concentrate on anything that wasn't you, and especially not when Lily dressed you for that party. You're always there, and I want to touch you, but I thought you were dating Caradoc, and I was so jealous. Did you know he's only just gotten out of Mungo's", Sirius added, looking proud.

Remus opened his mouth, perfectly imitating Peter not an hour before in Divination. Then he closed it, leaned over, and kissed Sirius. It was warm and sweet and it wasn't perfect, but maybe it could be a start. Then he lay back on the grass next to Sirius and looked at the sky.

"Yeah, I think you could."

"Could what?"

"Charm the Giant Squid into asking Lily out. Not with magic, but because you're you, and that was...that was surprising but honestly good. I like you too, Sirius, and I'd like to give this a go. Give us a go. I know there's a war, and there's every possibility that things may not work out because we're so different, but when I was describing the future before, the part I omitted was this. Us." He broke off, not knowing what to say anymore.

"Omitted. Fuck, Moony, do you have to use such long words all the time?" Sirius said this with a straight face, but he couldn't keep the laugh out of his words.

"Well, you did say you liked it..."

"Idiot. Anyway, it's your turn. You're supposed to stroke my ego now by telling me why you like me."

"You already know, I think, but I'll say it anyway. I like you because you're not afraid. Not of your parents, not of me, not of anything. You know I'm a werewolf and you like me anyway. You're too damn hot for your own good, and you know it, so don't expect me to say it again", he half-grumbled. "And while you've been distracted by me, you haven't noticed that I'm equally as distracted." He paused.

"Oh, and it's hilarious when you ask out McGonagall."

"I know. She loves it, secretly."

"Oh my god, you are so up yourself! Why am I doing this?" Remus laughed, the sound fluttering in the air like a Snitch.

"No idea. Not something I can solve, sorry, but I'd be very pleased if you'd continue, thanks very much."

"Ah, alright. I'll continue."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they've worked it out! Yay! Let's see how the whole school takes it. I'm thinking of doing two more chapters, and the last one might skip to the end of Seventh Year because I'm still feeling philosophical. Anyway, comment and tell me what you thought, and shoutout to the lovely individual who's commented so many times already (you know who you are) - your comments make my day!


	20. There's some good in this world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter, revealing it to the entire school because Sirius Black has no shame (and nor should he, in this case).

You could hear a pin drop, the Great Hall was so silent. It wasn't even the Sirius-and-James-are-plotting-a-Grand-Prank silence. More like the holy-fucking-shit-they-finally-finally-finally-got-together kind of silence. Sirius pulled away from Remus and smiled down from him, then sat down on the bench next to him and reached for the chocolate cereal. 

Then the Hall exploded into applause, and James shouted "Fucking finally!" Remus looked around and saw Dumbledore hand McGonagall a handful of Galleons and rolled his eyes, not entirely surprised. It reminded him of the dance they had in Fourth Year, to be honest. Sirius asked McGonagall to the dance as his date, then James and he proceeded to fight over who'd take her. Eventually it was settled when James asked Dumbledore instead. Life isn't all bad, he thought as he remembered the incident. Life can't be all bad, not if fun things like that happen. Even if we're attacked tomorrow, at least we have a reminder that there's some good in this world, and that it's worth fighting for. 

He didn't know if it'd all work out. There'd be good days and bad days. Days when Sirius would sulk because James had put hair-dye in his shampoo, and days when the arrival of the Black crest would mean Remus' comforting hugs were needed. But he figured that they deserved it. Both of them, because they'd been through enough, and he wanted to protect Sirius now he had him. Although maybe that was just the werewolf tendencies coming out in him. 

So yes, Remus Lupin was an outcast. A freak. He was unusually intelligent, and knew far too many long words for Sirius' liking. He'd been bullied over it in primary school but every since he'd met the Marauders, he'd learned that maybe it wasn't so bad, after all. He came up with some pretty good pranks, to be perfectly honest. 

He was also a werewolf, and he didn't have any illusions about what this would mean for his life. He'd struggle finding employment, finding an apartment on a low wage, possibly even a monthly government payment. He'd be spat at, cursed, and called a monster. People would wonder whether, because he was a Dark Creature, he was on Voldemort's side. His father might always fear what he'd become, and he himself would always feel guilty for causing this fear.

But Remus Lupin was not alone, despite being an outcast. Because Sirius Black, blood-traitor and disinherited eldest son, the Gryffindor in a nest of vipers, was also an outcast. So maybe they could have a shot at being together. Maybe someday they'd live out the future Remus had talked about, and maybe not. But he did know that he didn't mind being an outcast anymore, not if Sirius was too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it was a short one. Not much to say here, but the next one'll be long, and Seventh Year. Also, I sneaked a Lord of the Rings reference into the second paragraph - did anyone pick it up? Again, thank you to everyone who's been reading this. I really hope you enjoyed it. Comment and tell me what you thought!


	21. And we come to the end of days

The four of them sat at the top of the Astronomy Tower, looking out over the grounds of Hogwarts. It was all so surreal from up here, Remus thought. One could almost believe that all was right with the world, that there wasn't a war, that they wouldn't have to fight for the right to live in peace. 

They were all drinking from a bottle of Firewhisky Sirius'd pulled from who knows where, and sitting silently. He didn't think it'd fully hit them yet that they were going to have to leave this place, this home where they'd made so many memories and shared so many secrets. Played so many pranks. Received so many detentions for said pranks. Hogwarts was a part of them, and it felt like cutting off his arm to leave it like this. 

Tomorrow, the four of them would walk out of school and have to pretend that they were fully-fledged adults, not just baby birds still learning to fly in a world full of currents to pull them off course. They wouldn't have McGonagall there to help anymore, offering them biscuits at ridiculous points in a conversation. Flitwick wouldn't squeak at them from the front of a classroom when someone's robes caught on fire while they were learning Aguamenti (honestly, how had Frank Longbottom even managed that?). Slughorn wouldn't invited them to his Slug Club, although none of them particularly minded missing out on that. There'd be no more Quidditch, no more parties, no more betting on the outcome of the matches. 

"Can't believe we're actually doing this", Sirius said, staring at the horizon moodily. 

"Neither." James looked at Sirius before continuing. "What are you doing after school, do you know yet?"

"Order of the Phoenix, mate. Dumbledore asked me last year, right before I got that letter about Alphard. You?"

"Same here. Wanted to be a professional Quidditch player, but protecting Lily and the rest of the wizarding world's got to be more important than that." James had finally had success with Lily, who after seven years and a considerably deflated ego, had agreed to date him. It was good for him, Remus thought. He never thought James'd be like this when they first met. He never knew he'd be so sensible, reliable and brave. He supposed none of them knew that they'd turn out like this. 

Peter was still a follower, not a leader. He probably always would be. His heart, however, had only gotten bigger. He was unconditionally kind, and helped the First-Years, especially when Sirius wanted to hex them. 

james had grown from the confident, bubbly boy into a strong, loyal and brave man. He was still the same mischievous, intelligent, fun-loving James, but time had softened it and made him wise as well. 

Sirius was still as rebellious as ever, but a lot more easy-going. He was brave too, and loved with all his heart. Also, he was pretty damn hot, thought Remus, slightly biasedly. 

Remus was still quiet. He still preferred reading over people. But he was learning to love himself and to love others. He was learning to be brave, to have the courage to change, to be able to stand up and fight for what he believed in. He wasn't the same unhappy downtrodden boy he'd once been.

After another long pause, Remus asked "Pete, what're you going to do after tomorrow?"

"Think I'll see about being a Mind-Healer at Mungo's actually. The war's going to affect a lot of people, and I want to be around to help, even if I'm too afraid to fight." None of them acknowledged the vulnerability in Peter's words, but it was there all the same. "And you, Remus? What will you do?"

"I think I'd like to be a teacher, actually. Only, maybe I'll join the Order of the Phoenix first. Get this war business out of the way, you know", he said airily, putting on bravado he didn't feel. 

They returned to thinking in morose silence before Sirius interrupted. 

"Come on, we can't spend our last night moping around. There's a world out there to explore, but first, we've got to give Hogwarts a proper goodbye. Who's up for one last prank?" The four of them nodded, and James smiled. Remus felt like he should smile too, be excited, but an aura of heavy weariness hung over them. He climbed to his feet. 

"What are we going to do, Pads", he asked his boyfriend. 

"Well, the night's young and we've got plenty of time, so..." he trailed off and began to walk down the stairs, looking over his shoulder to see if the others were following. Slowly, they all got to their feet. 

As promised, they did indeed give Hogwarts a proper goodbye. By the time the sun had risen, the four were safely back in their dormitories, waiting for the yells of outrage and annoyance to echo through the castle. Echo they did. 

The first cries they heard came from the direction of the dungeons. James and Sirius grinned happily. The four of them had spent quite a large part of the night painting the entire room pink, including all the furniture, and then sticking it all to the ceiling with Permanent Sticking Charms. They had no idea how anything was going to be fixed, but it wasn't entirely their problem. 

As they walked to the Great Hall for breakfast, they became aware that the next thing had been discovered. They'd levitated a lot of gold and shiny objects into inconvenient locations, like right at eye-level, and then let a whole lot of Nifflers loose. Filch's office had unearthly shrieks coming from it, possibly because of the Cornish Pixies they'd locked in with Mrs Norris. 

But the last, and most spectacular of all was in the Great Hall itself. In front of McGonagall's place at the table, there lay a gigantic wedding cake and 2 rings, and a bishop was stashed somewhere off to the side. McGonagall looked slightly confused, but matters sorted themselves out when Sirius got down on one knee and asked (extremely loudly, so that the whole Hall could hear) whether she would marry him. 

Or rather, as he actually phrased it, "Minnie, my darling, I'm so terribly in love. Let's get married right now! Oi Peter, can you just pop in there and collect the bishop?" And, in true Marauder fashion, James proceeded to fight Sirius for her hand, and eventually gave up, proposing to Dumbledore instead. 

Several hours later, the Marauders and Lily found themselves standing next to the Hogwarts Express, entirely at a loss for what to do. They'd been doing this, getting the train back to King's Cross, for so many years now that it had never occurred to them that there'd come a time when it'd all just...stop. 

Remus turned to the others, tears in his eyes at the thought of leaving. "What are we supposed to do now?" he asked, honestly unsure of the answer. 

"Who knows", Sirius said. "Who knows what'll happen, but we're doing it together." He kissed Remus, pulling him in close, and holding him tight. The steam swirled around them and Remus decided that Sirius, although he'd never tell him so, was actually right for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Enya's May It Be. Yet another sly LOTR reference ;) I can't believe my first fic is over and I'm relatively unscathed, apart from the emotional damage done by the fact that Wolfstar isn't canon, of course. Please read and re-read as many times as you want, and I hope you find whatever you're looking for in this story, whether it's comfort or distraction. Please also comment and tell me what you thought.  
> Love you all, readers!
> 
> UPDATE: I now have my first Jegulus fic up after discovering the ship. If you haven't discovered it either, I suggest you have a read - it's a lot shorter than this one!


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